I was planning to make a very quick visit to DC and NY this week but have
to cancel to be with my brother for his ankle surgery.  I will be flying
to Reno in a few hours and plan on driving my brother from Reno to Mariposa
so he can have people waiting on him hand and foot (so to speak) until his
ankle heals.  Believe it or not, his girlfriend drove over the foot.  I
should be home in a few days, and will reschedule the DC-NY trip for a week
or two down the road.
 
Q: "With everybody on the FML flaming everybody else, how do long time
   posters like you and [others] hang in there?  I was looking at some of
   your stuff in the FML archives and you seem to get flamed a lot.  How
   do you deal with idiots?"
 
A: I carefully palm the ace of spades, deal from the bottom of the
   deck and run up the kitty. Tiny mirrors help.
 
I pull down my pants and wave my rump at the computer screen.  Really.
 
Actually, I ignore them.  You should see the ones I get off-list.  Whew!!
I hardly ever respond to a snide remark on the FML, and even more rarely
respond to a nasty email.  Maybe I'm just a self-confident arrogant old
bastard, but I don't feel arguing personal issues with people who don't
like you has any benefit.  If you think about it, there are two types of
"flaming." One attacks your argument, the other attacks you.  I live/love
to debate.  It makes you smarter, explores issues and can help you discover
facts or truth or whatever.  But personal attacks are rarely about the
issues.  They are generally made by someone who does not like you and use
the issue as a way to harm your feelings or reputation.  Answering such
types of attacks only benefits the attacker.  It grants them some sort of
public recognition and places you on the defensive.  Besides, believe it
or not, I am actually one of those people who can (usually) turn the other
cheek.  I find verbal abuse to be as violent as physical abuse and will not
tolerate it.  It is one thing to advocate a position, but another thing
entirely to harm others with language and other damaging comments.
 
I suggest you blow it off when it happens to you.  Let the other person
look like the idiot.  And wave your fanny at the screen.
 
Q: "Sometimes when I cut my ferrets claws they bleed. Is there a vein in
    there?"
 
A: I know I can nail this question...
 
Ok, look at your own finger tip.  There is no difference between your
finger tip and that of the ferret in terms of components and basic
structure.  In the middle, there is a bone; in ferrets the bone is
flattened from side to side and is slightly curved downwards.  Around your
finger bone, there is some skin and fat; same with the ferret.  On top of
your finger is a tough nail.  If you fold it in half so it fits over the
flattened bone in the ferret's finger, you have a claw.  Since both the
tissue around the bone and the bone itself is alive, it requires oxygen
and sugar and other stuff to maintain itself and grow.  So, within the bone
and alone the sides of the bone are tiny blood vessels.  When you clip the
nail too close to the flattened spur of bone, it opens those blood vessels,
causing the "nail" to bleed.
 
In fact, the nail is dead tissue and cannot feel pain or bleed, just like
human nails.  The blood is either coming from the bone or the thin skin
that covers the bone.  Try to not clip the nail so close; look for the
darker pinkish color through the claw; that's the flattened bone process,
and clip in front of it.  If you sometimes nick it, well, join the club--
it happens to all of us.  The bleeding should stop on it's own, but you can
stop it dead in its tracks by scratching the claw into beeswax (painless)
or using a styptic power/pencil (stings).  Sometimes a nail will pull out,
but it will almost always grow back.  Just clean it and make sure it
doesn't get infected and everything should be ok.
 
Q: "Have any more funny stories about your ferrets?"
 
A: Should I exclude those involving sheep or Nuns?
 
I had big ol' burly Carbone and Tui with me when I made a quick stop for a
few mealworms for the gliders.  Being in the middle of a "heat wave" (like
I haven't bicycled in Death Valley in August and came to a deep and painful
understanding of what really constitutes heat) I did not leave them in the
car, but brought them with me.  Immediately, a large group of three young
ladies surrounded me to see the monsters.  One girl in particular was
impressing her friends with her knowledge of ferrets, and was explaining
them in great depth to her friends.  Apparently, she had owned two before
leaving home for college (to get a zoology degree, as I was told several
times).  She wanted to hold one, but between you and me, Tui is only mine
to hold; I kinda like his little yellow head.  However, Carbone is nothing
more than a huge huggy bear, so I handed him over.  The young lady was
reaching for him, then pulled her hand back and pointed to his bottom.  She
asked, "What is that?  Does he have an infection?  He is all swollen."
 
With a professional straight face, I said, "Those are testicles."
 
She had only seen Marshall Farms ferrets.  (Ok, maybe I had a hint of an
evil grin.....)
 
Bob C and 16 MO' Eunuchs of Ferretdom
[Posted in FML issue 2761]