Dear Ferret Folks-
 
The hob and I are in the midst of moving, and we have been finding *all
sorts* of weasel surprises behind, and beneath our furniture as the
pieces are hauled away to the new house one by one.
 
The considerable stash tucked behind the small, green marble-topped chest
in the living room is impressive.  Cheap knock-off Furbie, purple foam
rubber ball with a drug company logo on it, the MISSING tube of 8-in-1
vitamin enriched ferret treat, two recall notices for my husband's pick
up truck from Chevrolet (something about the wipers bursting into flames,
I think), and other assorted shiny debris.  I had *no* idea there was
anything back there.  How did they even *fit?* And *why?*
 
Then, there was the unspeakable discovery beneath my Pooley brand wind-up
phonograph, and associated stacks of 78 RPM records, the old heavy ones
made of shellac.  I don't know why they bore such ill-will against the
recording of Charles Harrison singing "I'm in love again", but they did.
I'm talking *extreme prejudice.*
 
I'd play the disc to see what the big deal is, but it's past that, now.
At least they left my Helen Kane records alone, Helen Kane being the
voice of Betty Boop. If they had partially liquified my copy of Helen
singing "I wanna be bad" with urea I think I would have blown a gasket,
right then and there.
 
"If it's naughty to rouge your lips
Shake your shoulders and shake your hips
Let a lady confess I wanna be baaad-Boop oop pee doo-
 
And if it's naughty to dance with men
Sleep each morning till after ten
Let a lady confess I wanna be baaaad-"
 
Yup.  I'd have been pissed if they had ruined that one, but it's OK.
 
What did they have against Mario Lanza anyway?  I *like* Mario Lanza.
He was a good boy from South Philadelphia who always treated his mother
right.
 
Then there was the poop sculpture back in the corner beneath the Pooley
phonograph.  Remember "Close Encounters of the First Kind" where Richard
Dreyfus was obsessively building a sculpture of a particular peak due to
Alien influence upon his mind?  Well, my ferrets built *their* sculpture
with their butts.  Dreyfus used mashed potatos.  Ping and Puma did not.
I'm thinking spatula time.  Know what the ancient Latin word for spatula
was?  Spatula.  No joke.
 
Oh, I just can't wait to move Ping and Puma and France.  That will be so
much fun.
 
"Nobody knows just how blue and how lonesome I ammmm..... If I have
troubles and laugh like I don't give a dammmn, for credit
 
When you're learning what lips are for, and it's naughty to ask for more
Let a lady confess I wanna be baaad..Boop oop doobey doop boop oop doop-
-BAD!-"
 
Shake it , Helen.
 
Alexandra in MA
[Posted in FML issue 5303]