Tater said that, if I did not send this, I'd wake up in the morning with
raisins stuffed into my nostrils and ears.  He also vowed that I'd find that
Mee Maw had been savagely ravaged.  I think she must have overheard him -
she has a really expectant look on her face tonight.  Al Bundy, where are
you when a guy really needs you?
 
Anyway, what Tater is making all the fuss about is what happened about two
AM last night.  (BTW, I now know what a laughing ferret sounds like.)  I was
awakened by an incessant urge, as I frequently am these days, to visit the
'necessary room' of the Schieman Estate.  Upon arising from my cocoon of
blankets, I decided not to turn on the light, so as not to disturb Mee Maw's
sleep.  I fumbled on the floor with my feet for several moments, trying to
find my flip flops.  What I found instead was a pile of kibbles that Tater
had stashed on my side of the bed for his midnight snack.
 
Trying to convince myself that kibbles between the toes can be a good and
normal condition, I began my urgent journey.  As I rounded the corner of the
bed (why is it that the old man always has to sleep furthest from the
bathroom?), I stepped into Tater's water dish, which he had conveniently
decided to relocate.  Other than now having soggy kibbles between my toes,
this wasn't so bad.
 
With my next step, I tripped over the open door of Tater's cage, which he
had also conveniently relocated.  Having lost all sense balance, not to
mention dignity, I plunged headfirst into Mee Maw's chest-of- drawers.  My
head hit with such a resounding thud that I was almost knocked into
sensibility - almost, not quite.  That's when the lights went out.  That's
when this Web Page went black.  Well, not completely black.  There were
stars, planetoids, galaxies and hemorhoids swimming around in my brain.
 
When I recovered enough to return to my usual state of total confusion, I
heard the sound of Tater, laughing.  He was laughing so hard that I thought
he was going to bust from it.  I entertained thoughts of helping him toward
this goal.  I finally realized that he was just having a good laugh at my
expense.  I've often laughed at his antics, so I guess fair is fair.
Perhaps he was finally getting even with me for having plopped him down into
that big ol' pile of snow last month.
 
I reached out into the darkness and found a warm and furry body that seemed
to need a good rub.  We sat there on the floor for a moment or two, Tater
and me, and had a good laugh togehter.  Finally, I picked him up and carried
him to my side of the bed.  I reclaimed the warm spot that I had left there
and Tater snuggled up under my right arm and went to sleep.  "Now don't this
nice," I thought as I started drifting back into slumberand.
 
I was almost asleep when the sudden realization came upon me that I had not
yet completed my original mission.  I still had to do that thang - and very
badly.  Oh well, I knew where Tater was.  He probably hadn't laid out any
more booby traps for me.
 
Confidently, I rounded the corner of the bed and reached for the doorknob.
That's when Mee Maw grabbed me.  "Let's talk about just who is going to
ravage whom," she said.  Oh Gawd.
 
I think I finally heard the sound of a ferret chuckling.
 
Paw Paw
[Posted in FML issue 1475]