Q: "It is not fair for you to be seeing all those ferrets and not tell
us about your trip. Do we have to wait until the symposium? Or can you
tell some of the stuff now?"

A: I could tell you, but then I'd have to sic a ferret on you to lick
you to death. Ten licks in each ear canal should do it. You'll be like
Chekov in "The Wrath of Khan."

I am not a speaker at the next symposium and I probably will not
attend because of finances (I've invested too much of my finances
into ferret projects this year already). I have been asked to be a
speaker at several other shows after I return and will have a lot of
the trip photos, videos, data, and findings in one or more Powerpoint
presentations that I will show. If you want to learn about my
scientific findings from the trip, I suggest you attend one of
those shows. I'll announce my USA schedule after I return.

I can't discuss data at the moment, for the same reason I can never
discuss what I find when I do necropsies on individual ferrets; I've
made the research a double-blind study. Even the numbers for the DNA
kits are randomly assigned. Because I can't say exactly what the data
are, I have less of a chance of accidentally biasing the data. For
example, if I thought I needed more "bad teeth" to make the data say
something, I might unconsciously score teeth differently, placing a
tooth that should be in a lower category into a higher one. Another way
I control this is by NOT using qualifiers, such as "minor, moderate,
heavy, severe." The ferret has dental tartar or it doesn't, they have
gingivitis or they don't. I do use the descriptor, "Granny Mouth," for
ferrets that have lost 50% or more of their teeth (half an arcade),
but most scores are "yes" or "no" (this also helps solve the problem
of different changes at different ages).

I also have each ferret's data placed into individual word documents
rather than an Excel worksheet because when I review it, I only see one
set of data at a time and I can't see trends that might be obvious in a
spreadsheet. I'll copy-paste the data into Excel after I return home.
Also, to control for the error rate, only *I* do the physical exam,
measurements, and dental scoring -- it is a "same eyes, same judgement"
method to insure consistency.

However, I am happy to share some tidbits of the trip for you to enjoy.

If you are traveling in New Zealand in April and when you estimate
travel time to South Island locations in the Otago area, you have to
add extra time for sheep. I was on my way to meet a ferret trapper --
and on time -- when I turned a corner and was suddenly engulfed by
thousands of sheep. Maybe tens of thousands. My rental was an island
of metal in a sea of wool, and I was Wilson staring mutely out of the
wrong side of the car. I sat in one place for maybe a half hour to an
hour, counting sheep, until an old lady in a bright red SUV plowed
through the sheep to get past me. I followed in her wake, sheep
bouncing and scattering for most of three miles, until we passed four
guys dressed like cowboys, some holding rifles, all on horses. I
stopped to talk with them, and I remember one young man was listening
to an iPod. I mentioned he must like guitar rock, and he said yes, but
wondered how I knew. I said it was because he was surrounded by all
the "Baahs" players. I know, I am Baah to the Bone, but I only say it
sheepishly.

Near Lake Taupo on the North Island, I was talking about feral ferrets
with some ferret trappers. I had downloaded and printed out the
California Department of Fish & Game webpage describing how hard it
was to locate and trap feral ferrets and I was reading from it. The
trappers got a huge kick out of the CDF&G description of how difficult
it was and was making fun of them, which was puzzling to me. As we
were talking, one of the live traps fell from a huge pile and the
unmistakable scent of ferret poof was soon detected. A trapper picked
up the trap and --chattering inside -- was a feral ferret, a huge hob
about 7 months of age or so. Mind you, this is in the yard at a pest
control office. The trappers laughed and said it was common to catch
feral ferrets in empty traps. One joked, "If the California gamers
can't catch ferrets with bait, maybe they should try empty traps." I
learned later that it was common for ferrets to trap themselves in
empty cages, presumably explored in a search of other ferrets, food,
or curiosity. Interestingly enough, BFFs are routinely caught in traps
without bait. I don't mean to be cagy, but it seems like the CDFG are
trapped by their own words.

When staying at Shirley Hewett's house in Perth (Australia), I was
honored to get to use the "Grand Room" as my bedroom. The room was huge
and private. The first night I needed to work on my reports and was
typing into the wee hours of the night when I suddenly heard Shirley's
ducks start making a noise like they had just seen a fox. I looked
out the window, but couldn't see anything, so I found my tiny red
flashlight and crept out the sliding door to investigate. I opened
the gate to the chicken/duck area, carefully closed it behind me and
tip-toed around looking for whatever was spooking the ducks. I saw
nothing, but returning to the gate I thought I glimpsed the form of
a ferret. Thinking I had made a major goof and let one of Shirley's
ferrets loose, I sprinted after the form and lunged for it. I missed,
but just as well -- it was not a ferret. I was nose-to-nose with an
animal I'd never seen before, at least not that close and in person,
and it was an interesting scientific test to see if a biped could get
to its feet and escape faster than a quadruped. I think it was a tie.
The next day, Shirley told me about the bandicoot that lived in the
backyard. I said nothing of my nocturnal adventure, but I did say --
under my breath -- that I thought a bandicoots was a bunch of old
farts in a rest home. I didn't say it out loud because I didn't want
to risk using the "Grand Room."

I was talking to a small gaggle of ferret owners in Australia when
the subject of dirty teeth came up. I was asked the best foods for
scrubbing teeth, and I mentioned raw chicken necks, backs, and wings,
feet, and raw chicken gizzards. When I mentioned gizzards, one of the
Ferret Owners of Oz (FOO) looked confused, sort of like I do when a
lady acts nice to me. I said, surely you have heard of the "Gizzard
of Oz." Is that why ferrets like "toe-toe" so much? Frankly, I need
some soothing "baum" for that one.

After arriving at Heriot-Watt University, and after carrying all my
baggage from the airport and up several flights of stairs to my
third-floor room, I hauled my sorry, sweaty ass over to the student
union to get some Pounds and a few bananas and oranges. I was walking
back with my booty in a bag when a lovely young red-haired beauty
stopped me and asked if I knew where a building was. I said I was
sorry, but I wasn't from here and didn't know exactly were I was.
She looked very kindly, patted me on the arm, and said, "You're in
Scotland, dear."

Bob C [log in to unmask]

[Posted in FML 5989]