Well, we is done went and been bad again.  Mee Maw says that we had better
'fess up before the Boogey-Weasel comes and takes us away.  We ain't sure
why she's so mad, but she sure is.  Paw Paw's been laughing his head off all
day and Mee Maw keeps on givin' him dirty looks.  Guess he's in trouble too.
He sure ain't actin' like it though.
 
We lives in the Ol' Folks bedroom and don't never get stuck into our cage.
We gots one but we don't never use it lessin' its a real hot day and Paw Paw
puts a big ol' bottle of freezy stuff in there for us to get over the vapors
with.  He read about the idea on the FML and decided it was a good idea
since he don't want us to get overcome with heat prostitution - whatever
that is.
 
We sleeps and plays in the bed every night with our Mee Maw and Paw Paw.
During the day, when they ain't in here, we hangs out in this really neat
three-story condo that Paw Paw made for us.  He used to keep his socks,
underwear and other unmentionables in it, but we took care of that.  All
three stories of the condo are now filled with his softest tee-shirts.  That
was our idea, not his.  He grumbles sometimes 'bout havin' to live out of a
laundry basket but he don't seem to mind too much.
 
When Odie moved in, he put his college educatshun to work and quickly
discovered that Mee Maw had a condo too.  The only problem was that she
never left it open for us.  Tater said that she kept hiding all the really
neat stuff he had gotten into in there.  When he first moved in, he liked to
play with the stuff that Mee Maw had sitting on top of her condo.  He
especially liked the tickety-tock, windy up thing that rang every morning.
They weren't very good toys though.  Everytime he knocked them on the floor
they busted and wouldn't go tickety-tock any more.  He went through three of
them before Mee Maw finally hid the last one on the top floor of her condo.
We can still hear it goin' tickety-tock if we listen real good - and it
rings every morning - we just can't get at it.  Talk about a challenge?  We
HAD to get at that thing!
 
Odie come up with a plan.  Last night, when the Old Ferts came to bed, we
hided and pretended to be asleep so's they wouldn't play with us and get us
all tuckered out.  Just as soon as they both started snoring real good, we
went into action.  We bounced, tussled, war dance and had us a good ol' time
all over the bed.  Odie kept sticking his cold nose into Paw Paw's ear and
Tater kept running up under Mee Maw's nightgown like a ferret possessed.
Needless to say, they didn't get much sleep.  Along about half-past Paw
Paw's third trip to the drownding room, we took our positions.  We knowed
that the ringy thing was about to start ringing.  Sure 'nuff, it started to
caterwallin' and Mee Maw staggered from the bed.  She opened the top floor
of her secret condo, stuck her hand inside and made the thang quit making
noise.  Then she crawled back into the bed without turning on the light.  We
struck while she was groping around inside the condo, lookin' to shut the
ringy thing up.  We both jumped in, expecting to find untold treasures.  We
hadn't thunked about that fact that she usually closes the condo just as
soon as she shuts the noise off.  We was in alright.  Boy, was we in - and
we couldn't get out - couldn't see nothin' either.
 
At first we panicked.  Then we realized that we had each other and that they
would surely come lookin' for us when they rattled the raisin box and we
didn't come beggin'.  We explored for awhile and found some really neat
feelin' stuff to play with.  We crawled into a pair of Mee Maw's panty-hose,
one of us in each leg, and settled down for a nap.
 
By and By, Paw Paw's alarm thingy that he wears on his wrist went off and he
limped out of the room.  He went through his usual morning routine which
involves drinking cups and cups of foul-tastin' black stuff and smoking lots
of cigarettes while layin' in the bed and makin' bad smells.  We eventually
heard him rumaging around in the laundry baskets in search of some clean
clothes.  Did we mention that Mee Maw keeps the deodorant can in her condo
too?  Well, she does.
 
When we heard him shufflin' toward Mee Maw's secret condo, we gotted ready
for liberation.  Just as soon as he opened the door, we both jumped for all
we was worth.  We was still in different toes of Mee Maw's panty-hose and
kinda wrapped ourselves around the Old Fert's neck.  He fell back on the bed
and turned as white as a pair of socks.  His eyes gotted bigger than pot pie
pans an' he commenced to hollerin' for Mee Maw to call the doctor 'cause he
knowed he was a goner.  Mee Maw came rushin' into the room, spilled a cup of
black stuff on the bed and on some of Paw Paw's private parts, and started
fussin' at us.  Imagine that!  Seems that we done messed up her last good
pair of panty-hose with our frantic efforts to get out and help our Paw Paw.
 
We won't go into the grizzly details of what followed next.  Paw Paw
recovered and went to see the doctor 'bout his hipbone.  We is in the
doghouse, whatever that is.  Mee Maw says that Paw Paw will be in there with
us real soon if he don't quit chuckling.  At least we'll have some good
company.
 
Maybe he'll help us plan our next assault on Mee Maw's secret Underwear
Condo?
 
Many much loves and dooks,
 
Tater and Odie - Brothers in Mayhem and Love
[Posted in FML issue 1600]