Condolences to all those with lost, sick, or angeled paper-trained
fiends...
 
(Hey!  The paper boy stuck the newspaper right in through the mail slot!
Let's all go pee on it!  [Yeah, let's pee on the mail, too!])
 
Killing for sport, huh?  Is that "Sport" as in a 'Sport Utility Vehicle?'
"Hey!  Get away from that SUV!  I had my eye on that one since I stepped
on the lot!  Salesman?  Salesman!  That's *my* Sport Utility Vehicle!
Get that man away from it!"
 
Ok...so...maybe not.  Maybe it was about 'Ferrets' killing for sport?
Ok...one of my vendors sent me a football with one of my parts orders a
few months ago.  There was a note rubberbanded to the football, stating
that it was for my ferrets.  My sales rep can be a very strange person.
 
Anyway, I brought the football home with me.  It was fragile.  It was not
ferret-resistant.  It was never meant to be played with.  I showed it to
the ferrets so they would know that the nice lady was thinking of them,
but I had no intention of every letting them play with it.  I put it on
the computer desk.  This is (allegedly) a FFZ-designated area.  I have a
government-authorized (hey, I govern this house!) sign that says so.
 
They knew it was there.  They knew it was for them.  One evening, when I
had to rush out for an emergency computer repair, they levitated up to
the desk and got the football.  They then opened all the cages so they
could have a maximum of players.  I don't know how long the game lasted,
or what quarter they were in when I got home, or even how many touchdowns
and field goals were made.  I only know that two ferrety quarterbacks
were sidelined with concussions and one girl said someone had hurt her
pride.  The rest of the ferrets all looked reasonably healthy, except
for crooked tails, grass stains on their uniforms (grass stains???
Uniforms?????) and evil grins all around.
 
I found the football.  It never had a chance.  It was flat.  There were
teeny little puncture marks on every square millimeter of surface.  I
checked carefully, but no pieces were missing.  So I carried it, with
great reverence, to the trash can OUTSIDE.  No ferret could levitate
through walls-mostly.  I checked several times over the next few days,
to be sure it stayed IN the trash.  It remained there until the trash
people showed up a few days later.
 
Yes, the football was killed in the name of 'sport', though I think, had
it been tougher, it might have been repairable.  These things happen,
even in the best of families.  The football's death is on everyone's
paws...mine, too...well...my *hands* anyway.  Had I not brought it
home, it might still be alive today.  But at least it had fun while it
lasted!!!  Muhahahahahahahah!!!!  Hike!
 
The above stories were all told in the spirit of humor.  No lives were
lost (except that of the football) and no injuries were reported to
the NFL.  All uniformed were returned (after substantial repairs!) to
the appropriate teams.  To those of you that don't "get it", your
instructions were mailed to you.  Unfortunately, your ferrets *stole*
that mail and you'll never get the clue! :)
 
Todd and the Fuzzbutt Rodeo Clowns!
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http://www.netconex.com/toddl/page2/
[Posted in FML issue 4214]