Greetings from sector A-6, home of the killer 8-ball of ferts. Our report
will most certainly prove of our worthiness for promotions (we hope).
 
Ensign's Pokey and Beanie wish to report that they have managed to once
again liberate items of great importance to the neutral humans, most
importantly the daddy humans' 'mouse' (although it doesn't really look like
a mouse) and something the mommy human refers to as her 'CD player
headphones'. We have these stored inside our hidden couch complex (see Jr.
Ensign Slug and Private Scarlett's report for further information).
 
Jr. Ensign Bounce wishes to report that the neutral humans have NOT
discovered the hidden raisin pile that she has so cleverly hidden. Come to
think of it, this writer doesn't know where she his them either. I'll have
to dook to her about that.....
 
Jr. Ensign Scooter reports that his anti-FDI terrorist training goes well.
Although we have no FDI in this sector, Scooter promises that should the
need arise, he is ready. At 4 1/2 pounds, he promises a forceful sitting on
of any FDI agent.
 
Jr. Ensign Slug and Private Scarlett report that the hidden couch complex
has been completed. Entryways into both couches have been made, and numerous
items are stored, including 2 cups, a fire truck, a teddy bear, several of
the mommy humans 'Cosmopolitans', and one of the daddy humans 'mortal kombat
men'. All items will be held for ransom until more ferretone is supplied to
the FLO. On a secondary note, let it be known that the two aforementioned
agents are ALWAYS the last to be captured by the nuetral human daddy and
placed back in the cage. Apparently their stealth courses have proven
effective against human detection. Also, my highest recommendation for
promotion goes to Private Scarlett for being the only fert in sector A-6 who
can scale the humans attempt at blocking our enterence into the human's
cooking and sleeping quarters, the feared, 'baby-gate'. Private Scarlett has
numerous times eluded capture by scaling that monster and running like hell.
 
Private Tasha has nothing new to report, other than that her biting
exercises are going well. She still (in my opinion) needs further training
before a promotion is due. The mommy human seems greatly annoyed with her,
and often she is the reason that we are placed back in the cage-type thing.
 
Lastly, Private Hopkins, our newest agent, is proving to be a VERY effective
soldier. Already he has taken on some very difficult tasks, including the
visitation and introduction of the FLO to the LLO (Lobster Liberation
Organization) and the effective theft of all things on the human's coffee
table that teh rest cannot reach. He has proven himself in the short time
that he has been with the FLO. I recommend promotion for him as well,
although terrorist tactics need to be shown to him, since he's still a
sissy-boy.
 
Awaiting your reply, HQ.
 
The killer 8-ball of ferts.
 
Pokey, Beanie, Bounce, Scooter, Slug, Scarlett, Tasha, Hopkins
 
and the human sympathizer
Mark
[Posted in FML issue 1526]