Agent Curtis reports:
 
"So-called "Neutral" Humans have raided our base camp.  Our losses are
monumental:  6 pop cans, 3 glasses and a plastic tumbler;  one 2L pop
bottle;  at least a dozen crackers, a selection of celery, and a bottle
of Ferretone."
 
"We regret to inform our members that the planned Ferretone and Cheese
party is now cancelled."
 
"This act of terror against the FLO calls for action against the Human
population.  FLO agents facing only the Human threat, please take note.
These are your options:"
 
"Overtake Human command and communications centers.  The computer is a
prime target.  I, Agent Curtis, was able to broach the perimeter of an
uncased computer unit last week.  A well targeted electrostatic charge
erased all the video settings on the unit.  The computer was seemingly
mortally wounded, suffering video card and monitor identity crises."
 
"Unfortunately, the Human was able to get the computer to respond after a
half-hour of adjustments, and the computer case was replaced.  However,
our agents were provided with an opportunity to remove and hide the
printer feed shield, which is still in our posession."
 
"Commander Dodger and I have also removed several of the feet from the
telephone.  As the unit is now less structurally stable, we are able to
easily jar the receiver from the unit during wargame training, thus
preventing Human to Human communications.  As previously noted, we have
also removed the buttons from the Call Display Telephone Radar unit."
 
"In a brilliant move, the Humans were struck with a deadly blow when
their TV remote was confiscated and the buttons removed.  It seems we
have hit them at their life source."
 
"FLO agents are called upon to further reduce the quality of Human life.
We successfully removed a rubber clamp from the Human litterbox, or
litterseat the other day.  Humans using the litterseat now face random
dismounting due to the unsecured side of the litterseat rim."
 
"Visiting Human reinforcements can easily be intimidated.  We suggest
sneaking into the litterseat room when Male Outside Humans require the
facilities.  FLO agents are encouraged to hang over the rim of the
litterseat as the Human uses it, and watch intently.  Aside from being a
fascinating experience, FLO agents will note that this activity induces
severe anxiety in the common Male Human.  The creature will strive to
avoid the bobbing agent during his uninterruptable activity.  The local
Human population will be shamed, and Outside Humans will cease to visit."
 
"A second target of sabotage in the litterseat room is the Soapy Water
Torture device.  This hose must be fully perforated to prevent Human war
crimes against the FLO."
 
"We are pleased to announce that the local FDI are being shipped out next
weekend to attend a "Cat Show".  We are certain that the local beasts will
win "Least Congenial Towards an FLO Member" and "Most Chewable Tail",
respectively, thus sending shipments of high-quality rations our way.
Hopefully, the FDI operatives will meet with an unfortuante accident that
prevents their return.  We will be pleased to eat their prizes."
 
Signing off,
Agent Curtis, Commander Dodger, Guelph Battalion.
 
        /Lynn.
[Posted in FML issue 1501]
[Posted in FML issue 1501]