Bill wrote:
>[Moderator's note: This response surprised me and it would not
>have made the FML, except that Sukie further clarified her post,
>so perhaps there was communication already. BIG]

Yes, Bill, that choice was fine by me. Neither James nor I were clear
enough in our initial posts so some misunderstandings happened. If
anything perhaps seeing this will remind others in the future that
there can be more than one way to read what people write so it pays
to be very careful to not read things into what is said. James was
speaking from pain and I was speaking from wanting data to protect
living ferrets. I am very much like Mother Jones in tending to follow
the advice, "Pray for the dead, but fight like hell for the living."

James was hurting a lot. People do things when they are hurting a lot
that they would not otherwise do, and that is true for all of us, so
it is something all can understand, a very normal, completely human
thing. It is not something that James should kick himself for and not
something that anyone else should kick him for.

Thank you, James for the additional information. It does add to the
knowledge base and that helps others.

Because I have not been able to attend to as much as i usually do
recently let me put a bit of a personal note, if it is okay with you,
please, Bill. My father is almost 93. According to a study i found
something like 80% of people over 90 have some degree of dementia and
Dad is among them. His other major problems affect his balance and
mobility (both a leg and an arm). Almost two weeks ago Dad decided
to try to weed his raspberries (which is among the things he isn't
supposed to do but strokes have caused memory problems) and took a
very bad fall. In the hospital for some time he worsened so we were
dealing with all of that. Then they tried a med which in low doses
helps some very elderly dementia patients have a better sense of their
surroundings (because sometimes the neurons begin being overly active
and that causes confusion like thinking that one may be elsewhere and
wandering). In case that may be a med someone here may want to discuss
with an elderly relative's physicians it is Haldol and the dosing used
for seniors in Dad's situation is very low. That med helped enough for
him to go home with special care which probably relieves the hospital
hall nurses who called him their Houdini because he retained his
mechanical abilities so continued to defeat humane restraints and locks
so well (and then fall again some of the times) that they would put him
next to the nurses' station in his chair or bed 24/7. Changes have been
made to the home Dad shares with my 93 year old step mother (who is all
there mentally but mobility handicapped and partly deaf and who badly
wants to remain in her home) and after a 3 hour nurse's assessment of
the home further changes will be happening. At this point the family is
also looking into companion services and home health aide services as
well as some additional home care services beyond the extensive ones
that already were in place, with all of us family members pitching in
getting info, and being there at different times, and going down the
street for internet access at the library when that is possible. There
will be future OT and PT visits, and further physicians' appointments,
of course. A senior day care is being checked into, as are various
options, including ones if they do decide to together or singly leave
home and live in a facility. The situation is one that many FML list
members have been in, and one that many FML list members will
experience in their futures, so greatly out of the norm and terribly
demanding for daily life during times of readjustment as the situation
changes, but a commonly encountered experience.

So, I simply have not had spare time and not really been as attentive
to the things at hand when doing them as I'd like to have been because
of being very distracted. That means that sometimes I don't express
myself as delicately as I would like to, but it does not mean that I
have suddenly become cold (though I admit to being something of a
Vulcan when I need to be because I have some very highly emotional
family members and regularly have to serve as the peacemaker, so it's
a hard-learned skill for me).

We in the FML, no matter who we are, may be here at times when we are
dealing with pressures that others have no idea exist. We all have
full lives and the list members see only a tiny fraction of our lives.
Sometimes when two people are both dealing with hard times one may
write something not very clear and another may misinterpret it. Neither
means anything bad by that -- though temporary fireworks may occur --
and that is what most needs to be remembered: that each was trying to
be constructive and make things better in one way or another. This
happens to all of us, so the next time someone else is in that
situation, please, do take the time to try to see what the other may
be saying that is positive and generally helpful. Usually, on the
FML as well as the FHL that really is there, and doing so can stop a
fight from occurring.

And now a little related something about a list member ferret: as you
can imagine my sleeping has involved a lot of nightmares recently
though those are way down now. Just as he guards me when I am ill or
having asthma problems and sleeping Hilbert has been guarding me when I
have nightmares. That little ferret just plops himself down and watches
me, hour after hour, and if he thinks things are too wrong he gets
Steve and insists that Steve check on me. Sweet little ferret! He is
the one who may well have saved my life when the furnace malfunctioned
(I guess that was about 2 years ago now.). He is also the hardest save
our vet said he had ever had because he had problems when he was
younger (cystine urinary stones -- he doesn't tolerate high protein
levels -- bladder diverticulum, bilateral hydronephrosis, etc.) that
almost took him from us and required a full year of healing afterward
before he could even regain to a reasonable weight and longer to
reasonable levels of activity, but he made it. He's got some unusual
medical considerations but he does well with them taken into account.

Sukie (not a vet)

Recommended ferret health links:
http://pets.groups.yahoo.com/group/ferrethealth/
http://ferrethealth.org/archive/
http://www.afip.org/ferrets/index.html
http://www.miamiferret.org/fhc/
http://www.ferretcongress.org/
http://www.trifl.org/index.shtml
http://homepage.mac.com/sukie/sukiesferretlinks.html

[Posted in FML 5621]