As a devoted fan of both ferrets and "Weird Al" Yankovic, it goes without
saying that I have a slightly deranged mind.  From the depths of said
deranged mind comes the following, based on Weird Al's "Mr. Popeil".
Enjoy
 
 
MR. POOP-EIL
 
I need Ferretone!
I need Yesterday's News litter!
I need a square litterbox
With high walls so my butt doesn't hang over the side!
(Operators are standing by.
How does that make you feel?)
Help me.
Mr. Poop-eil!
 
I wanna play in a furlined crinkle sack!
I wanna crawl through 20 feet of clear dryer tube!
I wanna five-story cage with ramps covered in cloth to protect my delicate
little footsies!
(Please, no C.O.D.'s.
Don't miss out on this deal.)
Ah, help me.
Mr. Poop-eil!
 
Help me.
Mr. Poop-eil!
Mr. Poop-eil!
Mr. Poop-eil!
 
(Wo-o, wo-o.  Ohhhhhh.)
It slices.  It dices.
Look at that tomato!
You could even cut a tin can with it,
But what's all that got to do with ferrets?
 
Mr. Poop-eil, I'm in trouble.
Need your assistance on the double.
Oh no!  Now how am I gonna make my old yellowed albino hair look like new?
Mr. Poop-eil!
Tell me, what am I supposed to do?
 
Mr. Poop-eil!
Mr. Poop-eil!
 
(How much will the humans pay?)
But wait, there's more!
It's not sold in any store!
(How much will the humans pay?)
Don't answer yet,
Just look what else you get!
(How much will the humans pay?)
If you order today,
You get a set of jingly balls and the latest Jeanne Carley calendar!
(How much will the humans pay?)
How much will the humans pay?
Mr. Poop-eil, Mr. Poop-eil.
Mr. Poop-eil, Mr. Poop-eil.
Mr. Poop-eil, Mr. Poop-eil.
Mr. Poop-eil, Mr. Poop-eil.
 
Make my humans spoil this weasel!
Make them spend lots of money on me!
Make them take advantage of this amazing TV offer!
They'll WISH they were only paying for a Bamboo Steamer!
(Call our toll-free number,
We'll make you such a deal.)
Aw, help me!
Mr. Poop-eil.  I want it!
(Mr. Poop-eil.)  Well, I need it!
(Mr. Poop-eil.)  I got to got to got to have it!
Mr. Poop-eil!
Mr. Poop-eil!
DOOK!
 
 
The original is on the "Weird Al in 3-D" album.  If you don't have this or
any of Al's other fine works, all I can say, in the nicest possibly way of
course, is that you're culturally deprived, and you should rectify this
deprivation as soon as possible.
 
Paul E. Jamison
Office phone: (316)523-1322
Home phone: (316)263-8946
[Posted in FML issue 3055]