Unless he thinks of any more of course.
Anything on the floor is a ferret toy. Anything on any surface other
than the floor, will soon be. Buy a dog a toy and it will play with
it forever. Buy a ferret a toy and it will hide it and play with the
wrapping all day.
Owning a ferret means commitment. Of course, so does insanity.
A factoid about ferrets. It seems they never bite clowns. Reportedly,
they taste funny.
What has four legs and a three balls? A ferret with a small
strike-zone.
A man visited a friend and was amazed to see him playing chess with
his ferret. He watched in astonishment. "I can hardly believe it," he
exclaimed, "That's the smartest ferret I've ever seen!" "No, he's not
that smart," said the friend. "I've beaten him four games out of
seven."
Why did the ferret run across the playground? To get to the other
slide. Why did the ferret run across the beach? To get to the other
tide.
A lady was watching a movie with her ferret and date. During the sad
parts, the ferret would cry. It would laugh during the funny parts, and
watched the action scenes with great interest. The lady's date was
dumbfounded. He said, "I've never seen anything like this before. That
ferret actually watched and enjoyed the m...ovie!" The lady replied,
"It surprises me too. He really hated the book!"
Deep in the forest a juvenile ferret started climbing a tree. He turned
sideways, waved his arms, jumped and crashed to the ground. Shaking his
head, the ferret again climbed the tree. Laboriously reaching the top,
he again waved his arms, jumped, and crashed. This occurred all
afternoon. Watching the ferret, two birds... sadly turned to each
other. One said, "Sweetie, I think it's time to tell him he's adopted."
My ante was over playing poker when Clyde stole my chips, a stack item
not well suited for ferrets. We were at odds. I called him, which he
ignored, so grabbed him by his tell and had to pat him on the ace hole
until dropped his jackpot. He tried to bet me on the hand, but we made
up when I game him a piece of my stake.
The California Fish and Game likes to suggest ferrets are a danger to
the cattle industry. This suggestion has invited a lot of jokes, mostly
about cow tipping by renegade ferrets. However, we know this is bull
because, as every waiter knows, cows are poor tippers.
My ferret Rummy was feeling ill so I took her to the veterinary clinic.
An x-ray showed she had eaten part of a pencil eraser, which had caused
a partial obstruction. My vet told me not to worry, that the eraser
would pass through and her problem would soon be rectified.
I used to allow my ferrets in my bedroom, but a couple of them couldn't
distinguish between the end of my bed and the litter box. They would
sometimes poo near the footboard, the stinky little beasts. They forced
me to change my sheets over my bed doody.
I'm integrating my ferret Belle into my larger group. Belle is
resisting a bit, squealing at ferrets that come too close to her. The
noise warns the other ferrets off, increasing the size of her personal
comfort zone. This only shows that it is the squeaky Belle that gets
the peace.
Most of my ferrets love chewing bones, but they only eat the soft ends.
The remaining part, the diaphysis, is licked and eventually polished as
the bone marrow melts and the ferrets lick the oil away. Sometimes the
bone will grow fungus and the ferrets will naturally ignore them, which
only proves a molding bone gathers no gloss.
Some ferrets just hate eating their food out in the open. One of my
ferrets, Rummy, always carries her chicken to her hidey-hole. However,
it sometimes causes a problem if other stuff is hidden there as well.
Once, she was trying to eat her chicken, but she accidentally started
chewing on a stocking at the same time. You could say her food was
somewhere between a sock and a hard palate.
My son's cat, Cougar, is frightened and intimidated by my ferrets.
Generally, Cougar stays high and watches, but occasionally he will leap
to the floor to play with my ferret Belle. This is fine with Belle; she
is always ready to play at the drop of a cat.
My ferret Rummy always gets up at five a.m. and the first thing she
does is spin in circles. You can say she always gets up whirly in the
morning.
I understand disabled pet Polish ferrets love to IM their friends.
That's right; this is a lame domesticated pole chat joke.
One reason that California bans ferrets is because keeping them in a
cage can make their butt fat, making them unpopular with people with a
preoccupation with image. Once again, there is no west for the reary.
Late one night, my ferret Kahla started smelling funny. It worried
me, so I rushed her to a 24-hour emergency veterinary clinic. The vet
took one whiff and said she stank like gunpowder. He wrote out a
prescription and I went to the front to pay. I was shocked to see the
bill was twice the normal cost. When I asked why, the vet said,
"Everyone knows nitrates are more expensive."
I took my ferret Caesar to the vet because of some intestinal problems.
I suspected a bowel obstruction and wanted an x-ray. The vet said, "I
want to barium your ferret today." I replied, "Barium? I didn't come to
bury Caesar, but to x-raise him!"
It is well known that ferrets are susceptible to influenza, especially
the avian variety. It is important to give tweetment when ferrets catch
the bird flew.
I've noted not all my ferrets like to play in water. They seem to be
divided into two groups: those that play in the water and those that
seem to be frightened of it and creep away. So, when it comes to water
sports, ferrets tend to slink or swim.
I suspect one of my ferrets, Sampson, is Jewish. He gets very excited,
with war dancing and jumping, every time I give him a juvenile herring
as a treat. He is obviously celebrating Young Kipper.
Did you hear about the new ferret breeder who tried to breed his
ferrets? He tried many times with no success. The male would just run
away and hide from the aggressively receptive female. It turned out
the hob ferret was too young and his testes had not yet descended. It
only goes to show that even when the female is willing, a male still
needs the balls to approach her.
Ferrets are well known thieves who will steal anything from car keys to
a bag of potatoes. The question is, if ferrets suffer from kleptomania,
is there anything they can take for it?
Ferrets rarely get constipated, but they do on occasion. A few years
ago, Popeye was in a bad way and I consulted with a friend into herbal
medicine about a gentle solution. I was assured that an extract of the
new growth of a fern frond would do the trick. When I expressed doubt,
I was told, "Let me tell you, with fronds like these, who needs
enemas?"
Feral ferrets in New Zealand sometimes get Tb from eating roadkill
possums. They are part of a link tying the disease to pasture cows.
When the California Fish & Game heard this, they suggested the same
could happen in that state and used it was evidence to maintain the
ferret ban. This is a perfect example of Deja Moo: the feeling that
you've heard this bull before.
A ferret shelter had a pair of identical twin ferrets. One went to
a Egyptology professor and was named "Amal." The other went to a
Pre-Columbian professor and was named "Juan." Later, the Pre-Columbian
professor sends the shelter a photo of Juan. The shelter mom tells her
friend that she wishes she also had a picture ...of Amal. Her friend
replies, "But they are twins! And once you've seen Juan, you've seen
Amal."
Don't let ferrets participate in scientific work. I was mixing enzymes
to remove organic matter from bones and Clyde somehow got up to the
counter and started helping. He slipped and fell into the mixing pot,
but don't worry. I just poured the fluid through a filter and scooped
him out. Solving this problem was obvious: if you're not part of the
solution, you're part of the participation.
My ferret Rummy first said hello to me by biting my finger. Since then
I have always tried to keep her out of trouble using food enrichments.
One that works well is to give her small pieces of canned fish. You
might say that it kippers her out of mischief.
This morning I caught two of my ferrets fighting over a chicken femur.
They were pulling each other all over the room, under furniture, and
even under the rug. You might say they had a bone of contention.
I heard on the news that a ferret was backing up into a corner and
accidently backed into a fan. They said de-tails were to follow.
Mary
http://www.bristolferretclub.btik.com
[Posted in FML 6510]
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