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Subject:
From:
Dick Bossart <[log in to unmask]>
Date:
Sun, 16 Feb 2003 13:38:01 EST
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To paraphrase: 'If you've eliminated all other possible answers, the one
that's left, no matter how improbable is the right one.'
 
FERRETS CAN TELEPORT!!!  I know that that has been suspected for years,
but now I have seen actual proof!
 
Yesterday, I got up a little late (7 AM but when you're used to getting
up at 5 AM, 7 AM is very late).  My wife had been up for an hour or so,
and had let our crew of 5 out for their morning demolitions.  I sat down
for a cup of coffee while letting the crew bound and climb over and
around me.  About a half-hour later it finally dawned on me that there
were only 4 doing the bounding and climbing.  I ask, 'Do you remember
seeing Tanner this morning?'
 
She frowned, 'No, now that you mention it, I haven't.'
 
Now that's not a major news story at our place.  Tanner has long ago
learned to open the cage latches himself and often goes about exploring
in the early dawn hours unless we put an extra clip on all three doors --
which I hadn't the previous evening.  Problem facing us was that, because
it has been so cold up here in NH, we've been leaving all the doors open
in the evening, even the basement doors, to improve air circulation.
This left the entire house open to a curious ferret, and there are fewer
more curious about things than Tanner.
 
First step, of course, was to check and double check the cage: sleep box,
bedding and behind litter boxes.  Nope, no sign of Tanner.
 
Next was to check normal sleep spots in the main ferret area.  No Tanner
to be found.
 
Then the kitchen and all of the cabinets, under the refrigerator, behind
the washer and dryer.  No Tanner.
 
Finally, admitting that we've done the easy places, we went into the
normally FFZ of the living room, upending couches and chairs, behind TVs,
etc.  No Tanner.
 
Then off to the dreaded basement area, mostly finished into a den and
my daughter's bedroom, and an unfinished storage area.  (Actually the
storage area, packed to the ceiling with 'stuff' was far neater than
my daughter's bedroom, but that's another story.) A quick search there
found no Tanner.
 
We sat down to review the search, deciding to lock up all of the ferrets,
and start the search all over again, but this time a search in agonizing
detail.  Once more, check the cage -- four ferrets.  Ferret room, living
room, kitchen -- no ferrets.  Upstairs bedrooms, bathrooms -- no ferret.
Down into the basement armed with flashlights; under beds, through
piles of clothes -- no ferrets.  Into the Great Storage Room; removed
everything item by item, some of which hadn't seen the light of day for
over 25 years.  No Tanner.
 
Now we feared the worst.  With all the commotion of the search, the
whistling and shouting, the moving and scraping, we knew that if Tanner
were able to come out, he would have been there to 'help.'
 
We sat down in the ferret room again contemplating the worst.  My wife
glanced over in the locked cage.  There slept Tanner in the middle of the
second level.
 
Where was he all of that time?  Tanner wasn't talking.
 
How did he get inside the locked cage?  Obviously, FERRETS CAN TELEPORT!
 
Dick B.
[Posted in FML issue 4061]

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