Ferret Songs for Risa--Alexandra in MA
Sung to "Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star."
 
Flagyl, flagyl, in my hair, how the *hell* did you get there?
I tried to get it into Ping, he didn't think that was the thing,
Flagyl, flagyl in my hair, how the *hell* did you get there?
Many flying flecks of foam, this slimy **** coating my home,
Flagyl, flagy in my hair, how the *hell* did you get there?
******************************************
Sung to The Doors (by a ferret) "Come on Baby Light my Fire."
 
You know that it would be untrue,
You know that I would be a liar,
If I was to say to you,
I'm never gonna chew that wire.
 
Give up hoomin that's my wire
Give up hoomin that's my wire
Give up hoomin that's my wire....
 
The time to hesitate is through,
No need to try to hide it higher,
Give up you will only lose,
It's a game of which I never tire.
 
Give up hoomin that's my wire
Give up hoomin that's my wire
Give up hoomin that's my wire....
 
Gonna set that lamp on FIRE, yeah!
Gonna set that lamp on FIRE!
I'M GONNA SET YOUR LAMP ON FIRE!!!!
**********************************
Sung (by a ferret) to The Rolling Stones "Satisfaction."
 
I *can't* get no
Kitchen traction,
 
I *can't* get no
Four paw action,
 
Cause I slide,
Then I glide,
On my side,
Hurts my pride-
 
I can't *get* no,
I can't *get* no,
 
When I'm sneakin in my house,
and I'm sniffin' this and I'm stealin' that,
and I hit the vinyl tile-
 
I can't *get* no,
I can't *get* no,
 
When I'm racin' past the fridge,
And a hoomin comes up to me,
and tells me "Baby get back
cause you see
I don't want
to step on you with my feet."
 
I can't *get* no,
I can't *get* no,
 
Kitchen traction,
Kitchen traction,
Kitchen TRACTION!
(Etc.).
*********************************
Sung (by a ferret) to "I will Survive."
 
At first I was afraid, I was petrified,
Kept thinking bout those thirsty nights,
That my bowl ran dry,
But then  my hoomin spent some cash,
Down at her pet store,
And filled it up,
And hung it down here near the floor-
 
And now it's full.
Got a silver spout.
I just lick the ball
And fresh water comes out-
 
I should have tipped that stupid bowl,
Left it rocking on the floor,
It broke my heart,
But it won't do that anymore-
 
Now I'm not dry,
I, I will imbibe,
As long as my hoomin tops it up,
I know I'll stay alive-
 
Cause I've got car keys left to stash,
And some corners left to stain,
I, I will imbibe,
And watch that bottle drain-
(I'm stopping here, this is truly bonkers)
[Posted in FML issue 5140]