Pat,
 
I'm so sorry!  I've replied both times and never got any messages that they
didn't go through.  Also, didn't save so I can't try to resend.  No need to
save---- since thought they went to you.
 
Anyway, I truly appreciate your kind words and support.  It's not easy.
Every day, usually more than once, I start questioning my decisions,
actions, knowledge etc.  I just know I could've saved her.  At least spared
her the last few hours of sheer hell she must have been going through.
Plus it's beginning to eat at me that I didn't just go ahaed and cuddle or
at least place a hand on her for awhile.  I know she didn't want me to
though.  I wished I had realized and told her that I loved her, would miss
her etc.  But, this might have sounded to her that I was resigning and
giving up.
 
Now instead of caring for her, I water and tend the plants in her "garden".
I'm so glad I had a permanent home for her.  We built a house almost 2
years ago.  Before that we rented one with the same floor plan.  I know
this probably freaked Renny out----our home being the same, yet it really
wasn't.  I picked out a cottonwood tree for her.  The leaves turn bright
yellow in the fall.  In the summer they are silver-white and green.  Their
shape reminds me of hearts.  They are small at the bottom and gradually get
bigger towards the top.  Exactly like my love for and commitment to her.
I put a few of our desert plants, that she seemed to like near her too.
One is called sand sage and the other has tiny, deep blue flowers in the
summer.  The leaves on the tree sound peaceful and relaxing in the breeze.
 
I wrote about your poem for Sparky.  I wrote that it so expressed my
feelings for and about Renny.  Except she didn't have a mask or brown eyes.
I like the way Ren smelled.  I wrote how loved I know Sparky is.  And that
she is lucky to have a mom like you.
 
I wrote to your second post about how awful and unfair your situation was.
Actually, I replied the same day.  I do believe in God.  I don't understand
or even agree w/ her being taken, especially seeing as how brief our time
together was.  But I know we don't always know and I'm told we aren't
supposed to.  Only, I have one of those minds that can't be turned off.
 
Anyway, I'm posting here so I know you will get this. I bet it seemed pretty
rude that I hadn't even bothered to reply. Again, I'm so sorry.
 
One more thing.  I've had all kinds of pets but I truly believe that these
little ones are special.  There's something about them.  I didn't even
consider Renny a pet.  She was most certainly above and more than that.  I
thought of her as, heck she was, a four legged person.
 
Sorry so long.  Take care ---- and hug and squeeze Sparky tight.
[Posted in FML issue 2835]