Lipinski Doth Speaketh , , , ah, jost so that even an eighth grader
can understand, unless situated on the far left side of the Bell Curve
Average,, may I offer a thought or two on the subject of bloody sharp
K9s, thick welding gloves, bloody noses at ferret pet shows. and
multi-punctured tootsies.

NOTE: About half of us are average, and the rest of us are other than
average, yes? This other half are divided as above average and below
average, yes? And so I submit to you, where am I on that Bell Curve?
And where are you, at a different position?

Ahhh, yes - bites to the bone and even through the thumbnail. No
thanks, that ain't no fun, Pilgrim. And I don't cotten to it at all,
no how, no way. The toleration of deep puncture penetration wounds
of human flesh by filthy mouthed, stinky rug rats, at any age or
reproductive state is ,,, is ... is the main reason why ferrets are
not the number One pet for everybody, or even onebody. As you know,
dogs and cats are preferred over ferrets at a ratio of 1,000 to 1
easily.

Then there's the lack of trustworthiness involving interaction between
a family pet ferret and the sudden presence of a stranger, even a child
or infant, in the home. Not more than thirty miles from here, an infant
was killed on the floor by an intact male ferret. The adult female
owner of the ferret, a cocaine addict along with her significant other,
lay abed, essentially unconscious while her ferret chewed the new born
infant's scalp to shreds..

I took it upon myself at that time to become involved in this incident.
I received authorization to pick up the killed ferret from the Seattle
Public Health Department in downtown Seattle and deliver it in a sealed
biohazard boxed bag to my vet at that time, a Doctorr S... N....., of
Kirkland, WA.. Together we performed an autopsy on that ferret in an
effort to perhaps discover the reason for the ferret's attack on the
infant. Once evidence revealed the probable cause, our conclusions
previously drawn were withdrawn and a new conclusion was made. The
entire ferret autopsy was recorded and taped as the ferret was opened
and explored.

At this juncture I'd like to ask the reader to reflect on this
ferret-to-infant interaction and to offer an explanation on this
list..Your responses will be interesting, to be sure. I will the
 offer you my explanation for your consideration.

Ohkay, may I say that I'm just flabbergasted at the turmoil my
suggestions on ferret behavior modification has generated. There have
been three kinds of responses.

The first, my favorite, is the response that offers a critique and
makes a suggestion. The second is a response that vilifies and makes
very ill-defined ways of curbing ferret biting. The third response is
one of character assassination, condemnation, and a revelation that
the poster is possibly psychotic.

As I open my mind it is good to think that a few of my simple words
have touched a few of you to respond in your own way. Maybe, just
maybe, your thinking may be a little different tomorrow, after you
"sleep" on it. And, then again, maybe not.

Here's a little history of Ferrets North West Foundation. As a ferret
rescue/shelter/adoption facility I have sold in excess of 1,000
ferrets, 2 mink, 2 weasels, and one skunk. Currently I have 11 ferrets
in our facility. I no longer sell or breed ferrets, because I'm sick
and tired dealing with the public, especially those on the far left
side of the bell shaped curve. My time no longer will be wasted by
potential adopters who make appointments only to show up late or not
at all. More often than not the introduction of a new person to a pet
ferret takes more time and effort than it's worth, especially when I
have two or three other customers waiting for me to bring in a pet
ferret for them. As it turned out, I was living for the ferrets and
not for other things, other joys, and never could take a vacation when
I had all these ferrets here, a few times as many as 35.

My greatest angst was the introduction of a newbie to a ferret, for
the very first time. For the most part, using my customer training
instructions, and the ferret's cooperation, I could get the
introduction completed, the ferret well oiled, and the customer's money
in about a half hour. The big problem was with surrendered ferrets that
were biters. These could not be adopted under any circumstances, due to
the liability their biting behavior presented and the medical payments
I was required to pay to clear up one customer's infection, allegedly
caused by their ferret's bite, a ferret they bought from me..

In my situation I had to find a means whereby I could alter a biter
ferret's behavior in the least time possible. I found that method when
handling suckling baby ferrets or kits. Kits were very popular and most
folks wanted several at a time just as soon as they were weened. And
at this time in their development they retain their needle like baby
teeth. Handling kits is/can be extremely dangerous from the view of
infection and blood slippery fingers. No fun, that. More often than
not, not all of momma ferret's teats were working and the kits, just
like a herd of kittens, had to really fight for a nipple that worked.
One would think that the kits were never satiated. . . . always
ravenously hungry. The answer was to feed the kits their ferret kibble,
but in a form they could more readily eat, namely mixed with warm water
and run through a high speed blender to change the form from solid to
liquid. It worked beautifully, and now they could be handled without
fear of bloody fingers.

The next evolutionary step then was to soupify the adult biters. That
worked, but it took too long and the subject ferret was not getting
human scent..So to accelerate the process, fasting was employed and
finger licking of thick soup answered the need for human scenting and
warm souping simultaneously. You should know that my process of
modifying an adult ferret's biting behavior was to accomplish Obamaism
(read Change) as quickly as possible. If you're not in haste and want
to take more time, then you can forgo the several days fasting. You are
at higher risk of a bite. It'll take a lot longer, but if it makes that
much difference to you, then fast less or not at all.

Hey! most of you got enough sense to figure that out on your own, don't
you? You to the right on that bell shaped curve.

For your consideration, and I've said this before, what do you know
about the wild ferret, specifically its eating and fasting process?
Do you think the wild ferret has a bowl of ferret chow down in his
burrow/warren and can eat at will?. Or, like other wilderness
creatures, does he need to run down, kill, and eat his victim, all this
as opportunity presents? What seems more likely to you? Is the wild
ferret force fasted by circumstance? I happen to think, and rightly
so, the latter is true. The wild ferret is force fasted by nasty momma
Nature, that bad, bad girl. Next, consider how many days is the wild
ferret force fasted? Bear in mind that the ferret, as with most other
animals, will consume his own bodily nutrients, and will lose weight,
and may even die when he is force fasted beyond his limits. Now, I ask
you, Pilgrim, what are the limits? Do you know, and if so, hows about
telling us, yes?

And yes, I'm aware that your ferret may not be a wild one, but you can
take this to the bank . . . you ferret will survive fasting. How long
is up to you.

Aller Anfang ist schwer. (German: Starting out can be a bit tough.)
Edward Lipinski

[Posted in FML 6214]