I know exactly how you feel.  A couple months ago, my very first ferret
Kodi died very suddenly.  He had been sick with Adrenal, but one day he
appeared to be paralyzed and could not walk, and it just went downhill
from there.  By the night of the next day he was gone.  He died
peacefully in my moms arms.  He was my baby boy, and I miss him greatly.
I feel guilt about not noticing something sooner... I always wonder if
other little things had happened that I just had not noticed that couldve
hinted that it was going to happen.
 
I feel the most guilt for not being there when he died.  He got sick on a
Thursday afternoon and all night he layed in my arms, and I fell asleep
with him on my chest... he stayed there all night.  The next day I took
him to work with me and kept a constant watch on him, and let him know I
was there.  However, by that night (Friday) I was just so upset I needed
a break, so I went to my boyfriends house for a couple hours.  I told
Kodi I loved him before I left, and when I got home later that night my
mom told me he had died a hour before.  I know he knew that I loved him,
but I also know that I should have been there.  I realize now that
although I just needed a break because it was so stressed out, I should
have stayed with him.  I didnt know it would take him so quickly as he
had seemed like he was doing better.  I feel guilt EVERY DAY about not
being there with him when he went, and I know that guilt will never go
away.
 
Missing my little man,
Barbara and the crazies- Hope, Ziggy, and Duke
[Posted in FML issue 4310]