Ok, here's da thang.  I am writing a MAJOR history of ferrets.  Yes, I am.
Mary and Eric knows what it is for.  The point is, I need some help to
flesh out certain parts of the history.
 
What does Bob C need?: Lots and lots and lots and lots of people to send as
many newspaper clippings, magazine ads, and drive-by mentionings regarding
ferrets as possible.  I am creating a data base to chart changes in
attitudes, perceptions, popularity as pets, use as workers, etc., and each
unique mention will become an important data point.  Can you smell
statistics here?  Don't hate me for my math.
 
What do you have to do?: Just send me what I asked for.  If you have the
time, call your local papers and see if you can get copies of older stuff.
That's it.
 
How do you get it to me?: You can: a) quality scan the originals and email
them to me, b) snail mail the originals, c) both, d) send me the URL if
they can be downloaded from the net, e) all of the above, f) None of the
above because you are from the "'Possums list" and read this by mistake.
 
Does it matter where the stuff came from?: Only if the FBI can trace it
to me.  Local, state, national, international and interplanetary is fine.
 
What sort of documentation is required?: Title of newspaper, magazine or
other source, city of publication, complete date (as good as is available),
author (if available), page number (if applicable).  Example: an newspaper
article might be captioned: "Ferrets Moon CaCaLand Fishing Gestapo and
Crainoanal Impaction Society" by Boobs Alot, May 25, 2000, "Sacramento
Sunday Ferret", Sacramento CA, page A1 and A8.  Piece of cake.  Don't
write it on the original; use a separate sheet of paper and attach it.
 
What happens to the stuff sent?: It ends up in the most complete ferret
bibliography on the planet, currently composed of more than 20,000 entries
ranging from "Animal Bites" to "Zepher, the pet Ferret...".  You can have
a copy of the bibliography for free if you are a member of the Geeks'
list.  Or you can have a copy for free just by sending me something for
the bibliography.  Or you can have a copy for free if you can tell me what
the tiny Vietnam era tattoo on my ass says.
 
What do you get (besides satisfaction for helping poor ol' Bob?):
 
Sent just a couple of things:
A "Thanks" certificate with a graphic of Bhoring Bob C stroking his ferret,
emailed by my own hands.
 
Sent a lot (6+ things) of good stuff: A "Chewy Tui Thanks" certificate
with a graphic of Bhoring Bob C eating a ferret (Tui) in a taco, emailed
by my own hands and feet.
 
Sent neat old stuff that required looking at microfilm (AKA: the Migraine
Machine):
 
A "Thanks Dude" certificate, worthy of printing and framing, of Bhoring
Bob C and his ferrets mooning the California Fish and Game, personally
hand-emailed by me using my ass.
 
Sent boxes and boxes of stuff:
A color graphic of my ass with the California Fish and Game logo where
the brown spot should be, NO!  JUST KIDDING!  A special "Three Stooges"
certificate, with Carbone, Bhoring Bob and Mickey Moose heads where the
Stooges' heads would be if this were the opening graphic of a 3 Stooges
film, personally emailed by me without even using my hands.
 
Sent stuff well before deadline: All the names and phone numbers of "fun
people" I collected from restrooms visited while driving around the
country.  No?  Already have them?  Ok, a special surprise certificate.
 
Any thing else?: Stuff sent is accumulative, and all certificates will
be emailed at the end of the time period so dishonest people won't steal
them and pass them around rather than sending lots of good old stuff.
 
When is it over?: The end of November.  You are still strongly encouraged
to send stuff after that time and you will still get certificates of
thanks, but I want to start writing the paper in December.
 
Bob C
[Posted in FML issue 3227]