Boy, I did it again!  I didn't realize one FML was going to be short, and
sent stuff to go on several days that landed in one FML.  Sorry.
 
To David Doyle (And others interested in feral ferrets):
 
The only places that ferrets have ever established long term breeding
populations are in Britain and New Zealand.  You may hear of other places,
such as the San Juan Islands, or on islands in the Mediteranean, but no
proof has ever been published in the literature.  The probable reason for
the sucess in Britain is because the polecat is found naturally there, as
well as centuries of unintentional and intentional releases.  As for New
Zealand, they were released for at least 20 years by the government (not to
mention private citizens) but have only become well extablished in the
marshes to the south, where they are not in direct competition with stoats
and weasels.  In both Britain and New Zealand, the ferrets are probably
mixed-blood with polecats, so they are not true ferrets.  It is ironic to
note that the stoats and weasels were released after the ferrets and
polecats because the introduction of the ferret wasn't working well; they
were dying off, and the rabbit population was humming along fine.
 
Ferrets have been released on just about every continent (save perhaps
Antarctica) for the last few centuries without sucessful colonies being
formed anywhere (except those already mentioned.) In the USA, they have been
raised for ferreting and for fur, but no population of ferral ferrets exist
anywhere!  The reason?  Because they cannot outcompete their wild mustelid
cousins.  A great paper to cite would be:
 
R. A. Powell and W. J. Zielinski (1983) "Competition and coexistence on
mustelid communities." *Acta Zoologica Fennica* 174:223-227.
 
This paper basically states that only one mustelid species can fill a
food-niche.  In the Western USA, you have mink, the short-tailed and
long-tailed weasel, sea and river otter, the marten and the fisher, several
skunks, the wolverine (very rare) and the badger.  You also have red fox,
grey fox, coyote, wild dogs and cats, bobcats, puma, black bear, etc.  etc.
etc.  For the ferret to become feral, they have to be able to prove that it
can outcompete the mustelids, and/or some of the other predators.  Can't be
done, which is why they are not feral in Ohio, where they were bred in the
1800's to 1900's for ferreting and fur.  The ferrets were intentionally
released, not to mention the accidental releases, but were never able to
form a colony.  The success of the ferret/polecat in NEw Zealand was
precisely because of a lack of competetion from natural predators.  (The
Fish and Gestapo should worry about feral cats...)
 
The suposition that feral ferrets eat ducklings and eggs is true if you
believe they eat the same prey as polecats.  *BUT* if you believe that, then
you have to accept that, like polecats, those prey are eaten only in small
numbers compared to other prey; mostly small rodents and frogs and toads.
Which means, not in enough quantities to disturb any waterfowl area, at
least not as much as selenium-containing irrigation water.  (Just mention
any number of selenium-contaminated waterways in California and Nevada to
make the point.  How about them ducks with three legs?) The most cited
reference to the New Zealand colony is Caroline King's *Immigrant Killers*
but it is misquoted.  She was speaking of mustelids in general as causing
the decline/extinction of some birds, BUT she goes on to say that there is
no proof the ferret (or any mustelid) was the cause, and mentions introduced
rats, dogs and cats.  (Go back to primary resources!!) I would sucker them
into using that reference, then open the book and read the entire passage
and stick it to them!  Dolts.
 
They also love to use anecdotal evidence; someone saw, or it was reported
that...you get the idea.  Just point out that science works by making
hypotheses and testing their implications.  The proper hypothesis would be
that ferrets cannot go feral, then disprove it.  They can't.  What they
don't say is more important than what they do.  If a colony of ferrets
existed in California (or antwhere else) don't you think they would be
citing it?  Damn straight!  They would be pulling out the photos and pie
charts to make their point.  BTW, ferrets had been bred in California for at
least 30 or 40 years (about 1890s to 1920/30s) and none of them went feral,
and they were intact and never formed a colony.  The vast majority of
ferrets in Ca Ca land today are rendered sterile, so it is impossible for
them to form a colony even if they got away.  If you read the entire
publications of the Journal of Mammalogy, the Cailf.  Fish and Game
magazine, and the like, you will not find a single reference that states
ferrets have formed feral colonies in Ca Ca land or the USA.  You will find
papers about other feral animals, but not a single one confirming feral
ferrets anywhere and at anytime.  And they've been looking!
 
I would point out that ferrets are not sight hunters, but smell hunters; If
they have not learned to associate a smell with prey by the time they are 6
to 9 months old (the imprinting time) they probably never will.  Pet ferrets
have little chance of learning prey smells.  Typically, the polecat is a
genralist hunter, but in New Zealand, they sort of specialize; an indication
that the ferret is only marginally introduced, and with time, may go exinct,
losing out to the dog, cat, rat, stoat, and weasel.
 
Finally, polecats and feral ferrets are on the decline in Britain (as well
as Europe) for several reasons, mostly because of the degregation of the
environment, the introduction of the American Mink, and the lack of
diversity among prey species due to human impact.  In Britain, the American
mink is on the increase, while the polecat has decreased, and is only found
in several northern areas, and in the marshes near Wales.  Now, if the
polecat is a better hunter and breeder than the ferret, and every study
proves they are, and polecats cannot outcompete the mink, then how in the
hell will the ferret outcompete American mink on their home ground?
 
I'm not saying these jokers are uneducated, biopolititians sucking money
from the butts of even worse educated duck hunters and Fish and Gestapo
agents; they must have recieved a degree from somewhere.  I think the
problem is they are arguing theoretical possibilities with no proof and
ignoring the practical realities of life.  In short, they have not done
their homework, and they don't understand how ecology works.  I would change
schools, or drop the wildlife biology and become a zoologist.  Better yet,
get someone to spot the price of a ticket, and I'll come out and give them a
debate they will never ever forget!  (Forgive me if I've said anything that
offends anyone, but these biopoliticans really get my dander up, and for
someone with cool long wavy hair like mine, thats a lot of dander.  OK,
dander is correlated to the size of the head, not the length of the hair,
but since I have a big head too....)
 
Mo' Bob and the 18 Hypothesis Falsifiers (Missing Gus)
 
PS: In the last few weeks I have cited several other good sources to refute
the Ca Ca Fish and Gestapo.  Read them and go for blood!
[Posted in FML issue 1743]