Hello friend! This is Nancy Grace. And we are all over the Chess
Playing Ferrets case tonight for you, the viewers.

What is going on in Canada?! Ferrets posing in photos with knitted
chess slugs?? What?

"Chess ferret mom", Selina, posted graphically comical photos on the
Ferret Mailing List of her sweet little ferrets learning chess, yes
CHESS, ::dead blue eyed stare into the camera:: with a knitted chess
set she created ... OF SLUGS, people. Chess SLUGS! With ... her
innocent little ferrets!! How sick is SHE? The hilarious photos depict
the ferrets obviously fighting their natural predatory instincts when
forced to pose and play with said slugs. The irony in the photos caught
readers off guard leading to split sides, cheek cramps, wet pants and
worse.

BOMBSHELL tonight!! There is talk of a class ... action... suit...
against Selina, "chess ferret mom", and Mr. "BIG" (rolling her eyes)
of the FML who APPROVED of her photos being posted on the e-list. The
suit was initiated by FML member, Wolfy, who unsuspectingly viewed the
photos one gloomy morning, felt a rush of urine ... URINE ... brought
on by a burst of unexpected laughter. She was forced to throw herself
out of her chair heroically, so as to save the chair that her AUTISTIC
SON gave her for CHRISTMAS from being ruined.

::sitting back, thoughtful and speaking softly:: You know, friend, I
remember the twins, John David and Lucy giving me the sweetest hot
chocolate for Christmas one year. Their little ... innocent faces ...
::tears welling up:: as they so proudly watched me drink it each night
at the computer. I couldn't imagine, as a mother, ... ::squinting eyes
and shaking head in disbelief:: ... being caught off guard by such
photos and laughing so hard so as to spit my hot chocolate out on the
monitor!! I can't IMAGINE their faces then. Forget the monitor and
money. What say you Beth Karas???

"Yes, Nancy it was a disturbing story. Wolfy also reported that a
BRUISING occurred. When she lept out of the chair, she almost fell
Nancy. And so to break that potential fall, she had to flail her arm
out and she hit her dishwasher next to her. This could have been bad,
Nancy. Really bad."

Folks. Imagine. Underwear, pants, ... all ruined. Morning... ruined.
What a brave woman is she? Coming forward. ::bringing hand up to the
face to try to hide overwhelming emotion trying to take over:: Despite
the humiliation. Despite it all. And thank goodness, friends. Because
shortly after going public ... others bravely came forward inspired
by Wolfy's story. There were reports of laundery soap shortages from
others suffering similar reactions. But the worst ... was yet to come.

Donna came forward with a WHOPPER of a Mothers Day story. How ironic
this occurred on Mothers Day. I mean does it get any worse than THIS?
YES ... yes, it does. Sixteen people ... SIXTEEN people nearly
stampeded each other during a potty emergency brought on by the site
the pictures. Dr Lillian Glass, body language expert... how exactly
does this happen?? ALL of the women had the same EXACT reactions?

"I know it sounds crazy Nancy, but yes they can and did. Its not
uncommon at all for laughter to be unconsciously contagious. Extremely
contagious in fact..."

Dr, did you see the photos? Did you look at them?

"Yes, Nancy unfortunately I did."

And did you suffer any ill affects at all?

"No, Nancy but that is because I was forewarned! And there were no
other people in hysterics around me."

AH, so you had a WARNING ... A depends alert BEFORE viewing the
photos, is THAT what you are saying???

"Thats right Nancy".

Uh huh. ::Glaring into the camera::

"Nancy, .."

Yes, Beth, what is it?

"I just got word that defense lawyer Mark Geragos is considering the
case for Selina. Mark isn't commenting, however."

Yes, but you know who is Beth Karras?? Jose ... Baez. That's
right. Tot Mom's defense lawyer himself ... may take the case.

And we've got him right here on the line. Jose. Is this true? Is there
a possibility that you may defend Selina if this really does in fact go
to court?

"I have not been in contact with Selina, Nancy, but I assure
you that if she did contact me, yes, I would indeed take her case. Its
extremely strong ... "

Strong, Jose Baez? Strong?

"Nancy, there is no DNA! No hard evidence whatsoever surrounding this
supposed hysteria..."

Jose. Knitted chess slug playing ferrets? What kind of person does
that, Jose? WHAT KIND OF PERSON???

"All I can tell you Nancy, is Selina is an extremely sweet young
lady. I've come to admire her from afar. She has no history of any
kind of such activity, she DID state in the post that the photos
were humorous ..."

Jose, Jose, Jose ... siiiiiiiigh ... I didnt' ASK you if she happened
to "mention" the humor in the post, I asked you what KIND OF PERSON I
SHE TO HAVE FERRETS PLAYING CHESS WITH SLUGS??

"I was trying to get to that Nancy,"

Siiiiigh, I see you're not going to answer me.

"Nancy, I would trust this girl with my ferrets implicitly."

What? You would, would you?

"Yes, I would".

Uh huh. Actions speak louder than words Jose, so when you do that,
you let me know.

Okay look, look, I'm sick. I'm just sick. Enough of "Ferret Chess Mom".
What about this BIG?? Where has he been through all of this. How
suspicious is it that he hasn't said ONE word. Not one Beth!!!

"Yes, I know Nancy, it is a bit odd, but we can only assume that he's
been advised to not comment to the press."

Sooooooo, what you are saying, Beth ... is he's lawyered up!!!
Whyyyyyyy would he need lawyers if he's done nothing wrong???

"Nancy, we have no word if he has a lawyer yet or not. It's just the
most logical reason anyone could think of for his silence is because
he's been advised to not comment."

Yah, Beth.... he seems REAL good at not commenting. Isnt' that the
"real" cause of all of this? The lack of commenting on HIS part? Is
he not responsible ... for screening posts on the FML?

"Yes, yes he is, but remember he donates his time voluntarily, this
is strictly voluntary on his part. That said, if he took that
responsibility on for himself, one would think that a simple Depends
alert wouldn't be too much to ask in this case."

That's right Beth Karas, that's all it would have taken and we'd not
be here talking tonight. A simple ... depends alert.

Let's take a moment ... to remember our shelter moms, our shelter
volunteers who are TRUE heroes in our lives.

Tonight, celebrating their 101st birthday, is Sukie Crandall! Happy
Birthday Sukie... there she is, little old thing ... so cute with her
cake.

Good night, .. friend.

[Posted in FML 7428]