Honorable Three Star General Rowdy:
 
As the FLO partner of Agent Eloise, I must apologize for her *unseemly*
outburst.  While Agent Eloise is disguising herself as a lump under our NH's
sheet, let me explain the embarrassing truth about my partner: she is all
dook and no chomp.  The little runt is as skinny as wet weasel this season,
but always full of herself.  I, on the other hand, resemble a most elegant
badger.  While I am perfecting my deceptive Gormless Darling Face under the
raisin shelf, Agent Eloise is dooking and leaping at our humans' knees.  She
never uses one bounce when she can use three, and she is constantly
challenging me and the humans to battle.
 
HOWEVER, when FDI Agent Oreo passes her in the hall, she is frozen by the
memory of his head-whacking tactics.  I attempt to set the proper example by
going for his hind knee caps, but she has yet to find her courage in his
presence.  And when we go out .  .  .  !!!  While I am determinedly pulling
at the end of my leash in an attempt to enter the ivy (where I have
discovered I can wrap the leash around a plant, wriggle out and go exploring
while my human thinks she still feels me at the end of the leash), Agent
Eloise is hiding on our human's neck under her hair.  At best, she will
climb to the top of the NH's head to survey the area for possible dangers,
then clamber down to form a ball on the NH's neck.
 
It *is* embarrassing to have to admit the truth about Agent Eloise, and I
almost feel myself a traitor to our local FLO for publishing the truth.
Unfortunately, she has now dooked herself all over the FML and made a public
scene.  It was those medals that went to her head.  And it doesn't help that
our next door neighbor is from South Philly and both looks and sounds like
Rocky Balboa.  So I will tell her that no FLO transmissions have been sent
tonight (to keep her from reading this transmission) and perhaps I can
monitor her activities somewhat in the future.
 
Maybe I shouldn't tell her about your promotion, either.
 
Agent Eloise
[Posted in FML issue 1509]