Following are the official, certified results of the ferret yawning contest
conducted at Seattle's Ferret Frolics/Olympics on August 31st under the
auspices of Ferrets NorthWest FNW, Frettchenlustbarkeitsfuehrer Lipinski
commanding:
 
 Note:  Each contestant is given 30 seconds to induce in his ferret as
        many consecutive yawns as possible.  Most owners do this by
        "scruffing," i.e., holding the ferret suspended by the loose (?)
        skin on the back of its neck and stroking the chin or corners of
        the ferret's mouth.
 
First Place Award "The Greatest Yawner in the West," to:
   Steve Lamoreaux with Sneezy  9 "bite" yawns.  His Popcorn yawned once.
 
Second Place Award "The Second Greatest Yawner in the West," to:
   Murphy Bonghner with Augustus 5 yawns and one bone-crunching chomp!
 
Third Place Award "The Third Greatest Yawner in the West," to:
   Glenn Price with Loki  3 yawns.
 
Todd Cromwell runner-up with Dors 1 yawn.  No yawns at all for Edward
Lipinski's Thola-ichi; Dale Poppenfuse's Sabrina; Cendra Park's Cedar and
Mico.
 
The first 3-place winners will be receiving in the mail their Certificates
of FERRET MERIT appropriately appended by the Frettchenlustbarkeitsfuehrer.
 
Stay tuned for tomorrow's report on the Wet Ferret Bowling Contest, as in
slip-sliding-away downhill to score points where the dripping wet ferret
stops.
 
Edward Frettchenvergnuegen Lipinski,  Der Frettchenlustbarkeitsfuehrer !
Frettchenvergnuegen [G.] Joy of Ferrets.  F...fuehrer [G.] Ferret frolics
leader.
[Posted in FML issue 2134]