This bulletin to all partipants in the August 31st, Seattle Washington
Ferret Frolics (Frettchenlustbarkeit) and to all others who may be
interested and/or conducting Ferret Fun Matches or similar Ferret
Frolics/Olympics across the nation.
 
This is an invitation to join in the discovery of new facts about the fert.
 
                ACHTUNG, BITTE !   (ATTENTION, PLEASE !)
 
Results compiled so far indicate that the top water speed, i.e., swimming
speed over a 25-foot in-the-water course, in which 46 individaul trial runs
were made by 25 individual ferret entries is precisely = 1.7411 miles per
hour.
 
Top running land speed over a 25-foot on-the-grass course in which only 14
of the swimming ferts successfully participated is precisely = 3.856 miles
per hour.
 
The best efforts of 11 owners were not successful in urging their ferts to
run at top speed along the entirety of the 25-foot grass land course,
Ferretone, raisins, old socks, and squeeky toys notwithstanding.
 
These fastest swimming and running speed records were achieved by the same
ferret, a mature silver mitt by name of Benjamin, who owns Mr. Greg Olthoff
of Seattle, Washington.
 
Results of the other 15 olympic events will be posted after I get my
calculator fixed.
 
I, Frettchenlustbarkeitsfuerher Edward Lipinski, would like to invite all
ferret owners who participate in Ferret Frolics/Olympics in their various
localities to duplicate as accurately as possible two ferret olympic courses
of precisely 25-feet in length, one in the water and one on a level grassy
field.  Record the times as accurately as possible to the 100th of a second.
 
Calculate the velocity in miles per hour by multiplying the reciprocal of
the time (in total seconds) by the factor of 17.045452.  This will give you
the ferret's speed in meaningful terms of MILES/HOUR rather than in
FEET/SECOND, the latter perhaps not as meaningful to the average person.
 
Please post to my attention all the results of the two races, swimming and
running, so that over time, say 3 years, we will have enough data points
over a bell-shaped curve ( say 300 or so data points ) that will validate
the results as statistically significant.  Then we should like to publish
our findings in the appropriate journals.
 
As far as is known, nowhere in the world is this effort being undertaken
to show God and everybody just what the average (mean) swimming and water
speeds of the ferret are.
 
                Glueck auf !  (Good luck !)
 
          Edward Frettchenvergnuegen Lipinski, der
Frettchenlustbarkeitsfuerher !
 
Frettchenvergnuegen = (Joy of Ferrets)   Frettchenlustbarkeitsfuerher
(Leader of Ferret Frolics)
[Posted in FML issue 2100]