Hello everyone,

First, thank you again for the noni juice information. But the reason
I'm writing today concerns my other ferret, Lola. As I posted before,
she's been dealing with a huge abscess/growth on her vulva. At the time
of my last post about her, she was still bumping around, enjoying life
the best she could. Now, everything seems to be declining noticeably.
She gets out of bed to eat and drink, but sometimes has to stop and lie
down on the way. She's started having wetting accidents-- she knows she
has to go, but can't hold it if she can't get to an appropriate spot in
time. She's gone on me and on the edge of her bed-- I know she didn't
mean it. And she is so, so skinny. Looking at her today, she reminded
me of an anatomical model, I can see almost all her bones. It's like
all her nutrients are going into the huge lump between her legs, now
larger than a chicken's egg, and meanwhile the rest of her is wasting
away.

When my vet presented the idea of euthanizing her a month or so ago, I
felt like Lola still had a spark left in her. She was still basically
happy. Now, it's like her light is fading. I'm not even sure why I'm
posting this, I know she won't be with me much longer either way. Part
of me hopes she'll just pass in her sleep, before she has any pain. I'm
wracked with guilt at the thought of putting her down, but I know she's
just going to get worse. I'm having an internal battle between the
rational side of me saying she's lived a good long life (she's around
9) and that she should be allowed some dignity, and the irrational side
saying she might get better.

I know she's not going to get better. It's just that I'll see her get
up and eat some food, or give a half-hearted hiss to Pukka, and I'll
think, hey, she's still going. I feel almost like putting her down will
tell her I don't want her any more. I love her with all my heart, and I
just don't know what to do.

Has anyone ever noticed, with animals near the end, that they seem
like the other side is calling to them? My last post about Lola, I
specifically did not notice that about her. Now, she seems to have that
preoccupation about her. I wonder if her sister and best friend Illura,
who passed when the two of them were barely three years old, whispers
in her ear. Lola never got over losing Illura-- never let another
ferret near her.

I'm so sorry this is so long. I just needed to say something to people
who have been through what I'm going through. I'll let you all know
what happens.

Rachel, Lola and Pukka

[Posted in FML 5559]