This is a very self-indulgent post, I admit that right now, before you
read any further.

Worse, it's really for the bridge greeters. Yeah, them and Santa Claus.
I didn't put the bridge greeter in the title, because so many like me,
just scroll past them for whatever reason. Trinity's life and story is
important, I didn't want it to be lost in a eulogy post. As private a
person as I am, I'm so feeling the need to share.

Again, self-indulgent. I'm a shelter op, a rescuer, I do interventions,
etc. It's what I do. It's not that my heart is hardened, it's just that
I have a problem with being able to cry. So, I'm writing this to you
all, exposing myself, and hoping that I can cry, needing a cathartic
moment ..........It's working. I'm already heaving and sobbing at the
prospect of telling you Trinity's story.

About 4 yrs ago, here in Maryland, we got wind of some ferrets that
were to be put down, the research on them had been concluded. Early
that morning we managed to be apart of having them taken out the back
door, and trucked to Rocky's. 7 beautiful ferrets arrived. Weeks later
one jill delivered a litter. Out of that small litter was a beautiful
black roaned mitt. She was named Trinity, and oh what a bitchy baby
she was. She bit to the bone everyone that came near her, except me.

Finding kits a home easy, right?! Not so for Trinity. 10 months later,
I proclaimed her a permanent resident. She was the love of my life, and
understand I have my personals and then there's shelter. Unlike alot of
shelter ops, I keep my personal numbers below double digits, or try to.
It's really hard to, but I do. Trinity was special, so incredibly
special.

For the last four years she was my beautiful special baby, never once
did she nip me. Maybe she imprinted on me, afterall, I held her as she
was born in the shelter, fresh out of the membraned sack. Her mom let
me fondle and love on the newborns. It was a moment in time I won't
forget. She had a beautiful mom that instantly trusted, and she
nurtured her litter with the best of moms! The weeks to follow were
wonderful, when after the litter was mature, they all found the best of
homes, cept Trinity. Again, 10 mos later I finally realized that this
beautiful jill was meant to be with me. Oh what a bond we shared.

Trinity died today. I thought she had the flu, but on Fri she got
wobbly and we ran to the vet's. She was in the clinic in ICU. She was
in full kidney failure I got the call at 8:30am this morning that she
was gone. It was surreal, no way was my precious Trinity gone. Then the
vet called me late in the day to tell me that she was full of lymphomas
and a mass on her heart. That was the call that brought it all home to
me. She was really gone. I was suppose to bring her home today. I
didn't get to hold and kiss her, say goodbye. Why oh why did she hide
all of this from me? I was the one person on earth that she trusted.

Today was a hard day for me. I wanted to quit ferrets. I wanted to
quit Rocky's and send them all away. I wanted to stop talking to
people about what to do with their ferrets and all the rescues and
interventions I had in motion. I'm wasted. I'm freakin done with all
of this.

Then.......I remembered where Trinity came from. A rescue. As I sit
here typing this to you all, I'm sobbing, writing is a good thing for
me, I guess. So often with all the losses and disappointments, I just
suck it in, it's a matter of self-defense and self-preservation. I
don't want to suck it in. I needed to cry and tell Trinity's story.

As much as I wanted to quit it all today. I ultimately, couldn't. Maybe
a short break.

There's always a rescue or intervention. I can't quit if all that I've
experienced and learned can help sort out all of the madness, chaos and
hurt, help to restore some level of peace and order to other's lives.

Oh, but I wanted to quit today...a thousand times over. Rescues and
interventions come in many orders, always, I will work to resolve any
issues I'm confronted with, or that I confront.. If you wrote or called
me today, and I didn't respond, understand please, I needed a Barb day,
all by myself.

Thanks for listening. Bridge greeters, please look for my Trinity. God
I miss her so tonite, and will forever and ever.

Barb Clay
Dir of Shelter Affairs for Rocky's
www.rockysferrets.com

[Posted in FML 6261]