Hello, ferret friends...
Yesterday there was a post on the fml that, unless I am greatly mistaken,
strongly insinuated that Kodo's confiscation by Animal Control officials
was, yes, I know it sounds crazy, *his owner's fault*.  I find this hard to
believe, so I would be greatly relieved to find out that I was merely
hallucinating, but still I seem to vividly remember this.
 
Now, I am not going to argue about why it was not Robert Jacobs' fault,
because, quite frankly, anyone with the I.Q.  of a celery stalk can figure
that one out for themselves.  As a matter of fact, this post is not really
about Kodo.  It's about having a small bit of consideration for your fellow
human beings.
 
When someone is facing the possibility of losing a pet or is grieving for a
pet who has just died, the most tactless, inconsiderate thing you could
possibly do to that person is point out what they should or should not have
done.  There are many reasons why this is a mean (and stupid) thing to do.
First, the person feels badly enough already.  Only a complete clod would
try to add to their pain.  Secondly, the person has most certainly thought
of all the things they could have done differently already.  Most grieving
people immediately try to blame a death of a loved on themselves in some
way, even if this is absurd.  If they are in some way partly responsible for
the death, the guilt is already unbearable.  If you feel that others can
learn from this person's mistake, I'm fairly sure the lesson can be learned
without publicly ridiculing someone whose emotions are in a turmoil already.
 
I am also a little sick of hearing and reading, "I sympathize with you,..."
followed by an incredibly boorish and thoughtless comment like "but it was
all your fault," "but I don't want to waste my time reading your sob
stories," "but it was just a ferret/ dog/ cat, etc." If you say something
like that, you obviously are not sympathetic at all to the person, so why
lie?  Why not just say, "Your dog died because you left the antifreeze where
he could get to it, and while I realize you know this already, I just wanted
to get in my chance to make you feel horrible about it one more time,
because I'm a jackass!" This is at least honest and is probably less hurtful
than pretending you care.
 
I also suspect that there are a few people who might write something on
e-mail that they would never say to someone in "the real world." Sometimes I
think people don't fully realize that the guy on the other end of the web
address actually exists.  This is understandable, I think.  It's sometimes
too easy to take out frustrations on the faceless e-mail message you just
skimmed (I am guilty of this, too).  Sort of like driving on the freeway;-)
Anyway, try to remember that what you say can be needlessly hurtful.  Also
remember that your posts can be needlessly lengthy and no one wants to read
your non-ferret-related meanderings;-)
 
Anyway, I just hope that some people will try to be more thoughtful towards
one another, practice random acts of kindness and, as the wisest of the wise
men says, "Take care of yourself, and eachother." *snicker*
 
                -Barbara Thomas
[Posted in FML issue 1931]