1.  If you have to poop, the best place to do it is right beside the
litterbox.  Your person will apreciate your not messing it up after they
spent so much time getting it clean.  If you can't make it there, the next
best place is in front of the door.
 
2.  Do not allow closed doors in any room.  To get a door open, madly dig at
the carpet in front of it.  Your person may have put down carpet protector
in front of the door.  DON'T MESS UP THEIR CARPET PROTECTOR.  Dig at the
carpet just beside it.  When the door opens, do your best imitation of a
streak of greased lightning.
 
3.  If a guest seems to be afaid of you, investigate him first.  Try to
crawl up his pants leg to become better acquainted.  If you get stuck,
digging will help you wiggle just a little bit futher.
 
4.  If any guest remarks on how adorable you are, nip her on the nose to
demonstrate that you have a playful side too.
 
5.  Accompany guests to the bathroom, this is the best time to investigate
their clothes.
 
6.  If one of your humans is working, sewing, knitting, or writing and
another is idle, stay with the busy one.  Get right in the middle of
whatever he is doing.  This is known as "being helpful."
 
7. For book readers, it is most helpful to crawl across the pages of the
book. Try to stick your head between the pages and see how far they have
read.
 
8.  When supervising cooking, get right behind your humans feet.  You cannot
be seen, therefore you stand a better chance of being stepped on, picked up,
and consoled.  If done right, this often results in a treat from the guilty
human.
 
9.  It is important to get enough sleep during the day so you are fresh
during the optimum play time between 2:00 and 4:00 A.M.  preferably on your
human's bed so they can join in the fun.
 
Most importantly, begin people training early.  Humans are difficult to
train, but they can be taught if you start early and are consistent.
[Posted in FML issue 2156]