You know you're a fertbum....
 
36. If you have spent more on vet bills than health care.
37. If people at work think you are hungover, but you actually spent the
       night in a ferret chat room.
38. If you swipe ketchup condiment containers from fast food restaurants
       to use for medicine.
39. If you have ever sent a chicken on a trip through a food grinder.
40. If your nylons have more snags than a brush pile.
41. If you choose your friends based on their willingness to ferretset.
42. If anyone has ever said to you, "There is poopie on your pant leg"
       and you don't care.
43. If you have ever worn out a copy of the Beastmaster.
44. If you pick raisins from your muffin "for later."
45. If the police have ever told you to "put the ferret down and back
       away."
46. If you brag about your ferret-related injuries like they were war
       wounds.
47. If your vet holds your second and third mortgage.
48. If you own more than two t-shirts decorated with the Budwiser Ferret.
49. If you have ever picked out a dwelling for its corners.
50. If you know more than three routes into California that bypass
       agricultural inspections.
51. If your greatest fear is a two inch hole.
52. If you have ever bought an Electric Ferrets CD because of the band's
       name.
53. If you use the Budwiser Ferret's voice as a computer alert.
54. If you have more pictures of your ferrets than of your children.
55. If you have ever rubbed ferrettone on your child's belly before
       cutting their nails.
56. If you can flick a ferret off your foot without waking up.
57. If you have ever "dooked" while doing it.
58. If you can eat with one hand and scruff with the other.
59. If you have ever shopped for carpet or paint colored "ECE Green."
60. If you can quote ingredient lists from sacks of kibble.
61. If garbage men call your house "Litter Box Central."
62. If you have ever considered a ferret cleaning your ears better than
       foreplay.
63. If the number of ferret links on your web pages exceeds your IQ.
64. If you have ever wondered what the ferrets might like on your pizza.
65. If you can name more than three components in a poopie.
66. If you have ever found a poopie in your purse,
67. If excrement is your main source of excitement.
68. If you own more ferret hammocks than ferrets.
69. If you have ever used paint chips to describe ferret poopie to your
    vet.
70. If you have ever explained the floor clutter is not garbage, but
    ferret toys.
 
Bob C and 16 MO' Cluttering Carnivores
[Posted in FML issue 3022]