Condolences to those with lost, sick, or angeled table waxers...
 
(Look!  It's a Slip 'n Slide!  Weeeeeeeee!  "Honey?  Get me the Lemon
Pledge.  We might as well get some work out of them while we can.")
 
RE:  European Research
 
I've researched Europeans.  They are pretty much just like us: body, two
arms, two legs, one head, three eyes, but otherwise, just like us.  This
study was funded by a $485 million dollar grant by the U. S. Govenmental
labs for European Research.
 
RE:  Ferret Weights
 
I've found, after extensive government-funded research, that using lead
weights, instead of ferret weights, tends to produce more-accurate
measurements.  The ferrets, when being used as weights, just move around
too darned much to be of any use in this field.
 
RE:  Meow Mix and Raisins
 
Based on research paid for buy government funding (released through the
Department of Waste Management), it has been deteremined that Meow Mix
and Chex Mix are closely related.  The major difference between the two
is that the Meow Mix tends to have more of the artificial fish flavor
added.  The related items include: High cereal content, high toast
content, high orange juice content, high scrambled eggs content and
(depending on the variety you purchase), one or more of the following:
High bacon content, high ham content, or high sausage content.  It has
also been determined that there is no actual nutritional content in the
natural state of both items, though artificial nutritional content is
rumored to be added at a later stage of production.
 
WE INTERRUPT THIS MESSAGE FOR A SPECIAL REPORT
 
Today, in an attempt to be extremely cute, Jessica ferret picked up the
cordless phone and, carrying it by the antenna, brought it to me.  She
then scooted off to see what Ghost and the cat were doing.  We now return
you to your regularly scheduled demented silly boy post.
 
RE:  Ferrets & Kittens
 
Kittens and ferrets can be safely mixed, if you follow the following
recommendations:
 
1) Insert one package of kittens and one package of ferrets into a basket
   of clean laundry.
 
2) Mix well.
 
3) Catch escaping critters as necessary, soothe, then reinsert.
 
4) Stir constantly until they play nicely together.
 
5) Serve while highly energetic for the best entertainment value.
 
Update on Ghost:
 
Today, I noticed a marked improvement in Ghosts' speed and agility.  The
cat came slowly trotting into the living room from the kitchen.  Ghost
came along only three seconds behind (Thumpity-Boom, Thumpity-Boom,
Thumpity-Boom, Thumpity-Boom, Thumpity-Boom), almost catching the cat
before he was able to flop down and go to sleep!  He also almost "caught"
Jessica twice today.  However, knowing just how fast Jessica is, it was
obvious that she let him chase her until she caught him.  It made Ghost
happy, though.  His war dance was something to behold.  Santa Claus ain't
got a thing on Ghost!  I had to call the local University and apologize
for setting off their seismographs again.  You'd think they would reduce
the sensitivity on those things when Ghost is out playing!
 
Anywho, time to let you get back to your more-serious posts.
 
Todd and the (Dance like yer a ferret and you'll be happy all day!)
Fuzzbutt Rodeo Clowns!
---
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http://www.netconex.com/toddl/page2/
[Posted in FML issue 3955]