[Karen writes about Duncan, the impossible-to-bathe ferret.]
 
Like you, I only bathe my ferrets very occasionally.  As several FML members
have suggested, I find that washing their bedding frequently is a much
better way to keep the odor down.  One of my guys (Gilbert the discount
ferret) is basically terrified of baths too.  Conveniently, he's not the one
made out of solid muscle (Boomer), but he is plenty squirmy anyway.
 
One guaranteed way to give Gilbert (or any ferret) a bath is to put him in
"The Ferret Hold." It's a good idea for their claws to be neatly trimmed
before you try this, since their back legs aren't as perfectly restrained as
one might hope.
 
In case no one ever showed you (and a live demo or a picture would be a lot
clearer, but this is email...), here's a description of The Ferret Hold.
 
Extend your forearm horizontally with your palm up.  Lay the ferret
tummy-down along your arm, with his head between your spread out index and
middle fingers.  Curl those two fingers up on each side of his neck, a
little towards his shoulder blades.  Put one arm down the gap between your
thumb and index finger, and the other down the gap between your middle and
fourth finger.  Use your opposable thumb to reach as far as possible over
his back behind his shoulders to your fourth and little fingers.  The end
result is that your hand works like a figure-8 harness, and you can hold the
ferret's shoulders and neck very securely (so securely that he won't be able
to bite, in fact), while supporting the hind end with your arm.  If the hind
end needs to be restrained, hold your arm against your body.  Also, when
their hind legs are straddling your arm, they can't get much leverage to
squirm or claw you.
 
With a truly squirmy and muscular ferret, you will still have a handful, but
you should be able to take him in the shower, and you should still have one
hand free to do the scrubbing.  I try to hold Gilbert as close to my chest
as possible so he doesn't think he's being held in space (which is supposed
to be scary to polecats, and seems to be a little scary for Boomer).
Gilbert was originally so terrified of baths or showers that he would pee
and/or poo all over (yuck), but after many showers, I think he realizes that
I'm not actually going to kill him.
 
The odd thing is that Gilbert is the ferret that likes to submerge his head
in buckets of water and stir with his head.  He also likes to play in the
damp bathtub.  But baths are still awful, as far as he is concerned.
 
Good Luck bathing 'em!
 
Dennis
[Posted in FML issue 1557]