I feel that in good conscience I must warn all persons in the western part
of the U.S.  there is a major threat headed your way.  It is a life form not
currently native to that part of the country, and the F&G people in
Kalifornia had better watch out.
 
Its favorite mode of travel is in disguise as a ordinary life form, small
economical car packed with inocuous looking things.  It has taken lessons
from the life form it cohabitates with, ferrets, and refuses to travel in an
efficient or logical manor.  Its favorite foods include Pay Day candy bars,
root beer and mexican food.  Although it can beg quite convincingly, you
should under *no* circumstances feed it caffine or alcolhol.  I cannot be
held responsible under those conditions.
 
Its distinguising features are long black hair held in a ponytail, jeans,
and black shoes (although these have been known to sport light spots from
time to time).  It will communicate in a *seemingly* intelligent manor.  But
this is an offensive ruse.  It is only reeling its victum in, waiting for
the most vulnerable moment and then launching a swift and cutting verbal
attack.  It is also known for its inability to stop making puns, no matter
how bad they may be.
 
It also has the ability to spread among humans a most horrible additive
disease, ferretitis.  This chronic lingering addition results in people
acting in a strange manor, such as taping cut up two liter bottle together,
running black drainage pipe inside their homes rather than outside, placing
litter boxes in every corner of their houses and also causes them to sit in
front of their computers, alternately laughing and crying while reading
text.  Occansionsally, in the latter stages of the disease, some have been
heard to mutter sounds resembling "dook, dooK" and seen running and hoping
madly about.  Once this stage is reached, the condition is irreversable.
 
The life form in question is known as "Humanoid Mustelid Addictis." Its
more common name is Bob. Be afwaid, be vewy, vewy afwaid.
 
Margaret and the afflicted zoo
(with tongue placed firmly in cheek)
 
                    And everything comes to One,
                 As we dance on, dance on, dance on.
 
                        Theodore Roethke
[Posted in FML issue 1563]