Yesterday, certain evidence against one Chester Ferret was produced to
incriminate him.
 
>Exhibit A: A mangled, half-eaten pluot on the kitchen counter.
>
>Exhibit B: A bottle of dishwashing liquid in the kitchen sink.
>
>Exhibit C: A counter sponge and the rubber drain stop both soaking
>unceremoniously in a tupperware container in the kitchen sink.
>
>Exhibit D: Fresh toothmarks on our favorite vegetable peeler.
>
>Exhibit E: A ferret in the drying rack with bright red pluot juice on
>his mouth.
>
>Exhibit F: A dining room chair sitting just a few inches too close to
>the kitchen counter.
 
A re-consideration of this evidence is in order.
 
Exhibit A: The mangled half eaten pluot on the kitchen counter.
 
The defendant states that he was just testing this peculiar fruit hybrid
product, this "Frankenstein" Fruit to make sure that it was safe for
his hoomins.  That leads us immediately to Exhibits D and E.  D: Fresh
toothmarks in the vegetable peeler.  He was only trying to peel the thing
to see what he was up against.  A lack of opposable thumbs, however
reduced him to sampling the suspect fruit the ol'fashioned way, by taking
a honking big chunk out of it and seeing what happened....hence exhibit
E, a ferret in the drying rack with bright red pluot juice on his mouth.
 
Exhibits B and C are no less readily explicable.  B, the bottle of
dishwashing liquid in the sink, in combination with C, a counter sponge
and the rubber drain stopper both soaking in a tupperware container in
the sink.  He was trying to clean up the mess made by the pluot as
attempts were first made to peel, and then to sample it directly.
 
Exhibit F is a non-issue, the dining room chair sitting just a few
inches too close to the kitchen counter.  How else might Chester have
managed to isolate the suspect fruit, to process and test it, and to
clean up the mess afterwards *without* access to both fruit and sink?
 
In Chester's defence, we must not overlook the care and dilligence of
his efforts to examine this said...pluot, and the risks that it may have
for the unwary hoomin.
 
Attorney for Chester Ferret
Alexandra Sargent-Colburn
Filing a Brief to have the Judge dismiss the charges against the
much-maligned Chester Ferret.
[Posted in FML issue 5329]