Hey Alicia!  It seems that you and I are the current reigning "Rude FML
Booger Flickers" and neither one is living up to our "politeness
potential".  Didn't you get the memo?  Well, in case you didn't here's
a copy for you:
 
Meeky Mouse: Political Correctness in the Ferret Community
 
It has come to the attention of some of the more well-mannered and
courteous members of the FML that certain rude and discourteous
individuals are failing to achieve their politeness potential in the
face of ferret-challenged people and demagogic FML members.  These
politeness-challenged individuals are encouraged to review the following
mandatory suggested guidelines and adjust their attitudes accordingly.
 
1. NEVER call a ferret-challenged person by any name other than one you
would use to address your saintly grandmother.  Name-calling and public
chastising is reserved for members of the FML with whom you have a
disagreement.  This politeness approach has proved highly successful in
California where for more than the last 10 years it has been extremely
effective in helping to legalize ferrets.
 
2. ALWAYS accept an apology from a ferret-challenged person regardless
of obvious financial and career incentives to pretend it genuine.  Once
accepted, it is important to extend it to other ferret-challenged people
who haven't offered an apology and then completely drop the subject.  Not
accepting apologies is reserved for members of the FML with whom you have
had a disagreement.  In the case of an FML person who offends you and
never offers an apology, you should also accept it.
 
3. NEVER refer to ethical or moral standards in advocating ferret
rights.  Some people are ethically and morally challenged and we wouldn't
want to make them feel guilty, while others lack ethical and moral
standards and we wouldn't want to shove such paradigms down their throat.
 
4. ALWAYS ignore attempts at censorship by people who feel their voice
is the only correct one.  After all, regardless if you are correct or
not, they only have ferrets in mind and they DO think their hypothesis
is the ONLY correct one and when they get proof they will prove it.
 
5. NEVER express an opinion or emotion if you are considered to be a
leader in the ferret community.  Your niche is to be an icon, not to
express feelings that might influence people.
 
6. ALWAYS defer to the most demagogic vet when soliciting an opinion.
We are lucky to have them dispense their jewels of wisdom and pointing
out those occasions when they are wrong or are ignoring viable
alternative protocols might make them shun us.
 
7. NEVER express anger, outrage or disappointment with others,
especially when they use the FML to attack you.  This is especially
considered tacky if done by those who are considered ferret community
leaders who should know better than defend themselves from often
erroneous, misleading, or duplicitous attacks that can harm their
feelings and reputation.
 
8. ALWAYS ignore repeated attempts to shout down your ideas.  After all,
as right-wing Republican debaters have proven time and time again, it is
the loudest person who interrupts the most that is the most correct, so
you must be wrong.
 
9. NEVER demand that someone reread your post or at least read parts of
it after they post an opinion that clearly shows they misunderstood your
words.  After all, they are probably reading-challenged, and pointing out
their obvious reading error can only serve to embarrass them.
 
10.  ALWAYS be apprehensive that expressing frustration about
ferret issues in a forceful manner might spur a ferret-challenged
person to characterize the ferret community as
mentally-challenged-ethically-challenged-morally-challenged
non-democratic North Americans.  The use of hyperbole and satire is
strictly forbidden because many ferret-challenged and demagogic people
are too intellectually challenged to understand it.
 
Alicia, I'm surprised you haven't read this memo!  I was sure that you
had ample time to have read it between working to increase the age of
kits being sold, sheltering and caring for ferrets, caring for your
family, sewing items to support your shelter, working to educate the
humane society, answering questions sent in emails, and other dozens of
minor things!  Shame on you!  The Rude Police are going to knock on your
door!
 
I'm sorry, FMLers.  I forgot the techniques of hyperbole and satire were
strictly forbidden.  I don't offer my humble apology and I urge all of
you to accept it.
 
This is MY bottom line.  I have encouraged ethical and moral responses
to ferret care for years and I will continue to do so at the top of my
voice.  I will be polite to those who listen and I will shout hyperbole
and satire to those who's intent is to harm or malign ferrets.  I will
point out when people are wrong, I will fight censorship with every ounce
of my being, and I will always give out the best information I have at
the time.  I AM rude, I AM thoughtless, I AM aggressive, I AM pigheaded,
and most of all, I AM a long-winded self-righteous jerk who says exactly
what he thinks (if you read it all).
 
Bob "The Rude One" C  (Sorry, MC, I had to steal it!)
[Posted in FML issue 4399]