One thing about a town sized community is that it will contain all types
of people.
 
Let me tell you a bit about the condo community I live in.  People here
have been breathing a sigh of relief recently because a certain resident
died.  Sounds awful, right?  Want to know something worse?  We are among
those who are relieved to have him gone.  In fact, I know of only one
person who was upset by his passing and she was someone who traded her
political alliance for him doing a pile of chores for her for free and
after he died she put her place up for sale almost immediately, knowing
how welcome she is now (That only one person missed him -- and that one
for her own gain -- is the most sad part of it.) though a number attended
his funeral because his family is okay.  There is a great book called
something like _How to Cope with Difficult People_.  It is actually
written for business but it is wonderful, wonderful, wonderful!  That
man was what is called a steam roller.  He figured that no matter what
the topic was if he yelled enough then no one else would dare venture
an opinion (including when we knew more than he did -- like me with
landscaping issues), and some people here even moved to get away from
him.  The rest of us cottoned onto two things: the fact that he was
dangerous to the community (He came really close to getting our
association sued several times by contractors he abused and he was the
reason I left the association board because directors can also be sued if
a board is sued.) and the fact that the man was a coward.  No joke.  So,
what happened is that those of us who knew what he was like under all his
bullying bluster would avoid him and still did the things he'd try to
get us in trouble for when we didn't see him -- but if he turned out to
actually be around and if he did see us we would stare him down and then
blatantly IGNORE HIM.  Some other people cowered, but they really didn't
need to.  So, all of us suffered at least some, whether we adjusted our
schedules to avoid him, or mistakenly took him for being a bigger man
than he ever was.  (Our condo has a tradition of planting a memorial tree
each time an employee or a board member or other major volunteer dies;
this one got no tree.  He got two lines in the newsletter, no obit, just
that he was dead, when he died, and that he had been on our village
board.)
 
Now, the FML is like any small community, and that means that some people
just need to learn how to behave a bit better (and I do think that most
are capable of learning), BUT it is much, much easier in an on-line
community where all you are is the representation of words to just IGNORE
people who try bullying and who refuse to listen to what others say.  I
mean: so what?  Okay, one person doesn't listen.  No big deal at all.
Scroll when you see the person's name and just continue the constructive
conversation.  If a fight doesn't ensue then the result is still that
THE REST CAN STILL HAVE A CONSTRUCTIVE AND FRIENDLY CONVERSATION ABOUT
IMPORTANT IDEAS WHILE IGNORING A THORN.
 
There's a funny thing about on-line discussions: as long as people don't
fight and do learn to ignore those who do fight there is progress and
friendship, and it is actually easily done once the concept of ignoring
those who don't behave themselves takes hold.
 
At first there is always that nagging, "What did he say?  Did he say
something about me?" but then it hits you that everyone else has probably
also started scrolling past the person's posts most of the time if the
person is too repetitive or too acidic, waiting to hear privately from
someone else who discovers on some future chance reading when person
finally begins to behave civilly despite disagreement.  The newbies may
not know who to scroll past at first, but they are smart and soon realize
who they personally won't read for whatever reason (behavior, topic
preferences, etc.).  Everyone has people he or she won't read, and that
includes people who don't read what i write.  Tastes vary and the
solution is easy.
 
So, realize that in any community someone is going to scream and badger
and bully, BUT IN AN ON-LINE DISCUSSION LETTING THAT BUG YOU IS MUCH
ADO ABOUT NOTHING.  Perhaps the person's comments are as stinky to you
as passing wind sometimes, but it also just as transient if the place
gets an airing by continuing to make progress on the ideas through
constructive discussion.  Luckily, the very nature of an internet
discussion makes the solution a lot, lot easier than dealing with the
past neighbor here was!
[Posted in FML issue 4853]