Dear Ferret Folks-

We have a house guest for a few weeks. Her name is Tina, and she is
an enormous Red-Eared Slider freshwater turtle. She is five, and her
plastron (love that word, means her belly-shell) is two-thirds the
size of a paperback book. She weighs a couple of pounds. And being
a reptile, she cannot generate her own body heat. Well....that is
somewhat inconvenient in my home. We heat with a wood stove and her
tank has to be near it or she will become quite ill and perhaps die.
Accordingly, my central kitchen island is now taken over by TWO
fifty-five gallon fish tanks. Yup. One for my personal goldfish, one
for Tina and her little feeder goldfish. Her tank is the one nearest
the wood stove.

Do I have much counter space at the moment? No, but I have free turtle
TV. She is very interesting to watch. Especially when she goes hunting
for her little feeder goldfish in the water with her. She goes from
clunky-looking Jurrasic left-over to sleek, effective predator. Turtles
do not have particularly expressive features, but she manages to convey
great satisfaction taken in basking beneath her turtle-approved UV
light.

Do I think it is completely NUTS that I now have TWO fifty five gallon
fish tanks on my kitchen island? Yeah. There is that. Plus the fact
that I have bought her about fifty dollars worth of turtle necessities
for her visit as her owner is flat, flat broke. What is it about men
that they will throw away a *perfectly* good wife because they like
the look of some other man's wife? I dunno. I mean, I really like my
husband. A dozen years and I finally have him more or less broken in.
Nothing could induce me to start the process all over again. But I
digress...

So far I have gotten Tina a special floating dock so that she can stay
high and dry. I also got her a turtle approved splash-proof halogen
lamp to bask with. My hubby set the lamp up with an automatic timer so
it shuts itself on and off to mimic day/night. Her owner, after sixteen
years of marriage and three children is surviving on fluffer nutter
sandwiches and could not afford these things. Well, I could. So I got
them. Never let it be said that I am not a gracious host.

Now. Where does the word "ferret" enter into this? It does, of course.
Todd and Caff-Pow are accustomed to free access to that kitchen island.
Honestly, there is no sane way that I could keep them off. Many is the
time I have seen my hubby gently pick Todd up and hold him up to the
top of my goldfish tank so that he may enjoy a deep, refreshing drink
of fish-water. 'Pow is big enough to get his own drink without much
effort. He usually goes onto the island to scrounge for people food.
If that doesn't pan out he simply jumps into the fifty gallon standing
trash can and roots. (There has been a recent discussions of the pros
and cons of enormous ferrets. I could tell you stories about life with
enormous ferrets! Including their uncanny ability to jump really,
really high. ) Ferret musk and old coffee grounds is a peculiar mix,
at best.

But now, of course, there is something new. So it MUST be explored.
Todd satisfied his curiosity about Tina early on. He recoiled in
horror, and that was that. 'Pow likes to leap onto the top of her tank
cover and see if there is some way to pry if off, gnaw through it, etc.
There is not. We thought of that ahead of time. But he likes to sit
next to her tank and just *look* at her speculatively. If it were up to
him, he would have her upside-down on the floor in a heartbeat, clawed
flippers waving wildly. Then he would do his best to *pull* her bodily
out of that shell by one flipper. I know Caff-Pow. I know him. So he
can only look, and claw at the tank lid and *wish*, really hard.

Sometimes Tina takes some exercise by crawling around on the floor
attached to her leash. This does NOT happen when the boys are out.
Nope. And it's not gonna. 'Pow shakes his cage bars, rolls on a plastic
shelf like a bull alligator pushing himself over and over with frenzied
paws. He so *wants* that turtle. Well, 'Pow, what's it like to want. I
want a 1966 Cadillac Fleetwood convertable, but I don't have one.

Alexandra in MA

[Posted in FML 6885]