Good evening fellow ferret terrorized people.  Please, grab your popcorn,
your rubber pants, and sit back for another hilarious episode of: From
Dusk til' Dawn.  Starring Helena (the escape, torture artist), Romulous
(the innocent looking, conspirital, scheming, silent partner) and our
favorite Furry Star - ARTEMUS (former films included: The Big Idiotic
Grinning Ferret).
 
Our tale begins one cold, blustery evening, at 9 pm......With our fuzzies
being ceremoniously dumped into a bubble bath.  Sudsy, sudsy, scrubby,
scrubby ......ferts swimming.....trying to eat the rubber duckie.  With
our bath time completed, all ferts swim to the edge of the bathtub to be
dryed.  Towel, towel, fluffy, fluffy.  Blow-dry, blow-dry...... (Helena
is reaching for the curling iron......).  After our bath, we wander down
to the fert condo, give our kissies and tuck our little clean, soft,
fluffy, dry, curled haired ferts in.  And the night begins.  At 11 pm, Da
Momma and Daddy go to bed.  Momma moves her water glass to other side of
the nightstand, so IF our Precious's (All references to "Our Precious's"
come from the movie Lord of the Rings) escape, we will be safe from a
bath.  1 a.m.  Door creaks open slowly.  I lift my head and listen......
hmmmm....no further noises.  Lay head back down.  We are safe.  Our
Precious's have NOT escaped yet......for some reason, I imagine that I
hear my water glass sliding across the table towards me.......1:30 a.m.
 
Pick up water glass that has mysteriously moved itself, over from the
end of the nightstand - the other side again.....hmmmm.......is there a
fert at work here?  No signs, lay head back down again.  2 a.m.  Pick
water glass off of face.  Begin to cry.  They are here.....they are
heeeeerreee..... Dry face with husband's pillow.  Look for the "Little
Precious" who has awoken Mommy with a bath......no signs.....they are
getting smarter.......they are in hiding......or are they?  Hmmm.....oh
well, too tired, I go back to sleep.  2:30 a.m.  Awakened by furrie toes
running across my face, I suddenly have been CHOMPED on the nose.
Husband, sleeping peacefully next to me.....could not have been him.
Reach up and GRAB THE LITTLE PRECIOUS!!!  Shake her until her fuzzy
little teeth rattle and then toss her to husband's side of bed.  I am
NOT getting out of bed, wet - to try and withstand the frigid night air!
That is why God made Husband's!  Besides, why should I have all the fun?
2:32 am.  Peel husband from ceiling where he is embedded by his
fingernails, in abject terror.  He has NO idea what just hit him, but at
least it wasn't A GLASS OF WATER!  I guess I should have woken him up,
before I tossed Helena on him.....glance over at fuzzy, who lays there,
in Daddy's spot.... grinning through her teeth.......2:35 am.  Finally
stop laughing and teasing husband.  2:45 am.  3:00am, I am finally able
to stop laughing long enough to remove husband, and his fingernails from
the ceiling.  I promise him, if he puts her away this time, I will do it
the next time.....(yeah, sure....) 3:01 am.  Grab fuzzy, to hide from
husband who has gone after the chainsaw.  3: 15 am....Listen to husband,
rant, rave and scream: "Where is the gas for the chainsaw"?  **I dunno**
says our little Precious......have you checked our hidey hole?  Husband
is now in garage searching for chainsaw....much crashing and bashing in
garage.  Curses, screams, etc.  Precious has gotten smart, and is now
cowering under the covers.... 4:00 am Husband gives up search, and
decides to let our "precious" live another night.  4:02 am.  Husband
grabs our little Precious.......and dashes back down the stairs...to tuck
her back in.  4:03 am.  Husband, while in his haste to "tuck Precious"
in, trips over other scheming ferrets.  We KNEW they were in on it!!!
Together, they formed an obstacle course, designed to trip Daddy and make
him fall, as he came down the stairs.  We now know they are ALL scheming
against us......we found the plans that they left laying out on the
kitchen table......4:05 a.m.  Daddy lands on face on floor, with our
"Precious" on his head.  Brother/sister fert, dancing around his face.
They gleefully exclaim: He's up!  He's up!  No, wait....he's down, he's
down......uh-oh - we are in trouble.......I wonder if he will get up
again?  Uh-oh guys......did we plan an escape route?  4:05 1/2 a.m.
Stop hysterical laughter, go pick husband up.  4:06 a.m.  Fall down on
floor next to very irate husband, because I can't stop laughing AT
husband.....Dog is nowhere to be found......(I wonder if he is in on
this, or is he just getting smarter?).  Cat's sit atop the fert cage,
awaiting their friends.  Why are they grinning?  There has been some
serious scheming going on here, involving all the "precious's" in this
house...... 4:06 am.  Husband threatens to divorce me and leave me
custody of the ferrets, if I don't find the "escape route" these little
"precious's" are taking.  I get the hint.  I do NOT WANT CUSTODY!  4:15
am.  Escape route found and patched.  Blankies are now tucked into every
nook and cranney of their Fert Condo.  Duct tape rules!  4:18 am.=20 Go
back to bed.  4:22 am.......begin to doze back off......the door to my
bedroom creaks slowly open....empty glass of water, mysteriously begins
to glide across the night stand.....is that the pitter patter of furry
paws I hear?
 
Tune in tomorrow night for another exciting sage in the life of Kim and
Her Army of Idiots!
 
Same fert time, same fert channel!
[Posted in FML issue 4033]