In a previous posting I lamented the unfortunate basic nature of a show that
may not display to the general public the true frolicsome, inquisitive, and
truly intelligent characteristics of the furkid.
 
Did Edward from Frettchenvergnuegen Land offer an alternative?  Well, no;
not at that time, but please allow me to do so now.
 
By example the following is a brief listing of the events that took place in
a public park on a fresh water beach at the F/O (Ferret Olympics)and a brief
description:
 
1.  Slalom Zigzag Course.  As in downhill skiing go thru gate and zigzag
around 3 posts to finish line.  Timed event; fastest "skiier" is winner.
 
2.  Paper Bag Escape.  Quick escape out of doubly folded-over paper grocery
bag.  Done in groups of five.
 
3.  String Sniffing.  Who's got the fastest sniffer in the West?  Fert has
choice of two strings: one feces imbued and one scent gland fluid imbued.
 
4.  Yawn, Yawn, Yawn, and on and on.  Thirty seconds to fire off your
machine gun yawner ferret.
 
5.  Speed Swimmers.  Find out the speed in MPH your little otter-like
critter can do.  Compare to land speed in MPH on grass course listed below.
 
6.  Wet Ferret Bowling.  Slip-sliding-away!  Slide the wet ferret down the
bowling alley to score points where ferret stops and comes running back for
more.
 
7.  Ferret Smarts.  Turn the ferret into a living torpedo as he shoots(?)
slips thru the wire tubes, finds his way out of a plastic bag smartly and
shoots thru the outside tube.  Whoosh .  .  .  well not exactly.
 
8.  Kissing-est Lover.  Thirty seconds to show number of kisses between full
arm, elbow-locking extensions per kiss.  (Think about it.)
 
9.  Jockey Ferret.  Hands & knees fast crawl with ferret riding on back as
jockey.  30 seconds to cover longest distance with ferret still in the
"saddle."
 
10.  Ferret Feel Finder.  Blindfolded & down on hand and knees to find
unfettered ferret inside roped-off grassy area.  Onlookers aid by shouting,
cold, warm, or hot.  Other animal (dog) sometimes substituted unknow to
owner.
 
11.  Balloon Buster.  Happy ferret has 1 minute to burst first balloon
inside cage containing 4 balloons.
 
12.  Eskimo Toss.  Greatest number of "flights" by ferret trampolined upward
into the air from center of wool blanket is awarded "FLYER WINGS"
Certificate of FERRET MERIT.  Ferret signals "Enough already" by
claw-gripping blanket.
 
13.  Ferret Speed Races.  Owner races ferret over 25-foot grass course to
finish line to get ferret's speed in MPH.  Compare to MPH speed in swimming.
 
14.  Ferret-owner look-alike Costumes.  Both participants display same theme
in costuming.  Will likely be shown on KING TV5 11:00 NEWS and maybe on
front page of Monday newspapers.
 
15.  Ferret Pride.  Ferrets are gay the old fashioned way!  All ferrets are
"show" judged to find out who has the most beautiful female ferret and who
has the ugliest, god-awfully looking male ferret.
 
All participants pay a $5.00 fee for a fun filled Sunday in the Park, and
each winner receives a formal CERTIFICATE OF FERRET MERIT.  All must
register and sign a Waiver of Liability statement, hence all participants
and their ferrets participate at their own risk.
 
Edward Frettchenvergnuegen Lipinski has originated and developed each of the
events.  Any participant who objects to any event or action on the part of
FNW is invited to submit their objection in writing, and their participation
is entirely optional on their part.  Obviously these events are intended for
happy, healthy and robust ferrets.  "Lap" ferrets are invited to
participate, but the owners may wish to limit their exposure to the more
benign events.
 
These Ferret Olympics are open to all and no pre-registration is required.
A weather report will be on FNW telephone recorder the evening prior to the
event, so out of state (distant) participants can determine if the event may
be cancelled due to local weather.
 
Hopefully, upon seeing this outline of F/O, other ferret clubs will see the
benefits and organize F/O's in their realms.  Consider the F/O complementary
to the formal "show" and neither is exclusionary of the other.
 
Edward Frettchenvergnuegen Lipinski,  Der Frettchenlustbarkeitsfuehrer !
[Posted in FML issue 2124]