Mugsy died Sunday morning at 1:30.  His check up on Friday (3rd that week)
showed very little fluid left in the chest, not enough to pull out.  He was
active all the way to the vet and Larry was amazed at how good he looked and
acted.  False security.  That evening he started coughing.  Just every once
in awhile.  He ate well but was lethargic.  I called Larry on Saturday and
he said to double his Pred dose.  I did.  Mugsy was lethargic all evening
and I was very worried.  Around 12:30 he became restless.  I tried to give
him some fluids, he only took 1 lick then said NO MORE.  I think I knew at
that time.  In all our deaths when they are so adamant about not eating or
drinking it is near their time of death.  I've learned not to force it if
that type of reaction occurs.  So I hugged and loved and cuddled him and
then he wanted down.  I set him down and he would walk a few steps then lay
down.  I listened to his chest, no noise.  Then shortly after 1 he went to
the litter box and when he got out he couldn't walk, his hind end would just
fall over.  I called Nancy and told her I thought this was it.  I held him
and cried.  I could hear the rumbling in his chest and then I knew what
fluid in the lungs sounded like.  I held him upside down but it didn't help.
There was blood tinged fluid coming from his nose.  He wasn't struggling,
only stretching his body out as he quickly drowned on the fluid going into
his lungs.  Then it happened, the fluid came out of his mouth and he died in
my arms.  A pool of blood tinged fluid lay puddled at my feet.  It was only
a matter of minutes and Mugsy was gone.  He was so tired he never struggled.
He was ready.  I was not.  I held him and cried for over an hour, maybe 2.
Finally I placed him in a blanket in a bed so the others could say good-bye.
At 4:30 I fell into a restless sleep.  I was back up at 8.  I spent the day
breaking down in tears from time to time.  I still do.
 
I'm so hurt by his passing.  I feel that I failed Mugsy and it cost him his
life.  There are just too many ifs.  If I had insisted the vets take x-rays
the first visit that Monday after Halloween, we would have found the fluid
early.  If we had started chemo that week or even this past Wed instead of
the Pred and homeopathic therapy could we have saved Mugsy.  If I had taken
him in Saturday could we have saved him.  If, if, if.... But all the "ifs"
won't bring our beloved Mugsy back to us...
 
I still remember the day Nancy saw him in the store and she told me he
didn't look well and asked if she should buy him (March 3, 1996).  It is our
policy, without question, to buy or rescue any ferrets that aren't well, but
as Nancy's ferrets live with me she felt she should ask first.  Mugsy was
bony and his stools weren't quite right but he seemed to be fine.  Two days
later our crew came down with ECE.
 
Many times I've been asked if I wished we'd not have gotten Mugsy.  The
answer is simply NO.  We loved Mugsy very very much.  He taught us all about
ECE and through his teachings I've been able to help others.  We were
blessed to have him.
 
He was always so inquisitive but never ever destructive.  He didn't knock
things off (when he did it was accidental), he didn't pick on others, he
never did anything to be disciplined for - in fact in his entire 8 months
with us I only put him in the time out cage one time.  He wasn't much for
loves and cuddles but he absolutely LOVED Randa.  He would chase her around
and maul her mercilessly.  :-) He was a big beautiful gentle boy.  Mugsy was
only 10 months old when he died.
 
I miss him so painfully much....
 
Pam on Categories - You missed several but an important one is for those of
us who have been "chosen" for this work.  I do not like to categorize, I
never did fit well into categories as a child and I still don't as an adult.
Growing up was difficult and painful because I was "different".  Thankfully
I know my path and being "different" doesn't bother me any longer.  Think
what you will.  I know why I am here and what I must do.
 
Condolences to all who have lost loved ones.  Hugs. tle
[Posted in FML issue 1758]