Hi ferret lovers. Here is another ferret song for operetta fans.
 
From Mary Cohen and her fuzzies
 
Sung to the tune of "I Am The Very Model Of a Modern Major General"
From Gilbert and Sullivan's Pirates of Penzance
 
I am a perfect ferret and I don't need Brown-Out* for my nose,
I wear a full-length sable coat, my dainty ears smell like a rose,
My eyes are bright, my whiskers long, my nails are nicely manicured,
My rabies and distemper shots are current, you may be assured!
 
I always use my litter pan; I'm neat about my food dish too,
I'd never dream of making Mommy nervous with green colored poo,
I put my squeaky toys away; I never chew elastic bands,
Unless, of course, my humans don't respond to my polite demands!
 
Chorus:
   Unless, of course, my humans don't respond to my polite demands,
   Unless, of course, my humans don't respond to my polite demands,
   Unless, of course, my humans don't respond to my polite, polite demands!
 
I never scratch, I never bite, I won't take part in a melee,
Except when I am sure that I can make a real fast getaway,
If Mom thinks I am part of one, I look at her with soulful eyes,
If that plan isn't working, I start throwing in some doleful sighs.
 
Chorus:
   If that plan isn't working, he starts throwing in some doleful sighs,
   If that plan isn't working, he starts throwing in some doleful sighs,
   If that plan isn't working, he starts throwing in some doleful doleful
      sighs!
 
I have a lot of knowledge about raisins and which brands to buy,
I hate it when my Mom brings home generic kinds for me to try,
I've learned to climb my condo and throw all the plants onto the floor,
When Mom comes in and sees the mess, I climb into my sack and snore.
 
If we had bunnies I would chase them, but we don't and I'm repressed,
I compensate by nipping toes, when Mommy yells, I get depressed,
I'm trying to do the best I can, I help out with the household chores,
I put away the laundry and I use my tail to dust the floors
 
Chorus:
   I put away the laundry and I use my tail to dust the floors,
   I put away the laundry and I use my tail to dust the floors.
   I put away the laundry and I use my tail to dust, to dust the floors!
 
I'm very bright, I learn real fast; I'll always be one up on you,
While you are sleeping, I am planning new exciting things to do,
Your life was dull and boring, just admit it, that's why you got me,
Now every moment of your day is filled with utter ecstasy!
 
I'm very bright, I learn real fast, I'll always be one up on you,
While you are sleeping, I am planning new exciting things to do,
Your life was dull and boring, just admit it, that's why you got me,
Now every moment of your day is filled with constant ecstasy.
 
Chorus:
   Now every moment of your day is filled with constant ecstasy.
   Now every moment of your day is filled with constant ecstasy.
   Now every moment of your day is filled with constant, constant ecstasy.
 
* As advertised in Modern Ferret(r)
[Posted in FML issue 2720]