[Moderator's note: Michael sent this to me a while ago asking if I could
post it if we ever have a light day again.  Today is close to a light day,
so here it is.  Enjoy.  BIG]
 
... Since this submission is an already published work (in the WNYFLFA
newsletter), I'd like to post it to the FML in its entirety for others to
enjoy, if possible.
 
-- Michael Burkard
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Chez Furo Restaurant Review
Or
The Adventures of a Human in a Ferret Restaurant
By Michael Burkard
 
I was a bit surprised when I first pulled up to the Chez Furo for my visit
to review the restaurant.  The restaurant had no parking lot, and the place
looked, for all intents and purposes, like a hole in the wall -- really,
just like a hole in the wall.  One could easily say that this was not
exactly what I had been expecting from a place named Chez Furo.  But, after
taking a few minutes to find a spot along a side street, I made my way
inside Chez Furo.
 
I immediately noticed that the ceiling inside the restaurant was very low,
affording no extra head room.  I think it was when I informed the hostess
that I had arrived for my reservation that I noticed things were really
different at this restaurant.  The hostess was a ferret!  As I was led
through the dining room to my table I noticed that most of the other
customers were also ferrets!  A few humans populated tables in the dining
room, and seemed to be enjoying themselves so I took my place in my chair
and awaited the arrival of my waiter.
 
My waiter turned out to be a striking, young, dark sable ferret.  Cute,
light colored, rounded ears were atop his head, looking like little pieces
of soft felt.  He scampered over to my table and introduced himself as
Squirt and informed me that he'd be my waiter this evening.  Squirt welcomed
me to Chez Furo and handed me my menu.  The specials of the evening included
an intriguing sounding Duck Soup, a Totally Ferret kibble entree, and a
cantaloupe and Ferretone dessert.  I ordered some spring water to drink, and
was surprised to find that it came in either a bottle or a bowl.  I decided
to be what I thought was refined this evening and asked for my water in a
bowl.
 
After Squirt had departed I took the chance to absorb some of the ambiance
of Chez Furo.  While the ceiling was rather low, the lighting and dining
room layout made it possible for many of the tables to have a somewhat
secluded feel.  Most of the patrons were dressed in slightly better than
casual attire, and the place had a rather warm, cozy, and comfortable feel.
 
Squirt arrived with my water in a rather sturdy ceramic bowl, nicely
chilled.  I had already decided to order the house specialty, Kibble Sampler
Entree that I had heard so many good things about.  I thought that this
would give the chef a chance to show off one of his specialties as well as
offering me the opportunity to try many different things in one visit.
Squirt praised my choice and hurried off to place my order with the kitchen.
He then returned with a beautifully arranged, plate containing complimentary
breads, goat cheeses, and nuts which I found most delectable.
 
I noticed several of the other patrons pushing their bowls of water around
their tables, and splashing water out of their bowls before taking a drink.
Thinking this a custom at the Chez Furo akin to tossing peanut shells on the
floor of a tavern, I proceeded to do the same when drinking my water.  Only
one patron was drinking his water from a bottle that was situated upsidedown
on an ornamental stand which sat upon the table.  Apparently, most preferred
pushing, splashing, and drinking from the bowls instead.
 
My Kibble Sampler Entree arrived at my table, and I could hardly wait to try
it all.  Squirt asked me if I would prefer a silverware setting to eat with,
but decided I'd do as most of the other patrons were doing and just dig in.
I wasn't sure what to expect for variety since the entree I had ordered
contained only kibble, but I was pleasantly surprised to find that not all
kibbles are created equal.
 
First I tried some of the Hill's Science Diet Kitten / Feline Growth kibble.
The individual pieces were attractive, small, medium brown, rounded nuggets.
They had a typical kibble odor.  This kibble was easy to crunch and had a
warm, earthy taste.  I must admit that as I ate the pieces they made my
mouth water with each one I crunched.  The pieces crumbled into small
fragments.  The Hill's kibble had little aftertaste, and what there was of
one was easily washed away with a drink of water.  This kibble was not
particularly dry tasting, and it had very little taste if just rolled around
in the mouth.  One must crunch into this kibble to get most of the flavor.
 
The next portion of my entree I sampled was the Iams Cat Food kibble.  This
kibble was made up of irregular triangle shapes with rounded corners that
were dark brown in color.  These pieces also had that typical kibble smell,
and were also easy to crunch.  Although, these pieces crumbled into small
crumbs when crunched.  I found the Iams Cat kibble to have a slightly dry,
darker, bitter taste with more bite.  This was particularly true when
rolling a piece of the kibble around in my mouth.  As one would expect,
there was a good, strong aftertaste as well.
 
The Marshall Premium Ferret Diet was next on my plate.  It had an
interesting shape, looking like long, thin, cylindrical extrusions of
various lengths.  Some pieces were long, some were short, some were
straight, and some were curved.  This kibble had a rather dry, but typical
kibble smell.  The pieces were very easy to chew and broke down into
minuscule pieces rather quickly.  I did not find this kibble's taste to my
liking, however, because it was rather dry and ash-like in the mouth.  The
aftertaste was much like the Hill's kibble, and was easily cleansed away.
The Marshall kibble also did not have much flavor when sampled without
crunching into it.
 
Dad's Kitten Food kibble was my next to last try on my plate, and its shape
reminded me of a capital letter 'O'.  The pieces had a typical uniform,
medium brown color and shape.  This kibble did not have a particularly
satisfying crunch, and the acidic flavor made my mouth water immediately.
The rest of the taste became overwhelmed by the gradually building acid
taste during the consumption of a piece.  Although, if a piece was rolled
around in the mouth for a short time and then crunched into, the acidic
flavor was greatly reduced while actually eating, but was very noticeable
when sucking on the piece of kibble.
 
My waiter, Squirt, returned to my table at this time to inquire if
everything was to my satisfaction.  I told him what an interesting
experience eating at the Chez Furo was and that while he was here I might as
well put in my order for dessert.  Squirt recommended the cantaloupe
smothered in Ferretone dish, so I took his advice and ordered that for my
dessert.  Squirt told me he would return in a bit with my dessert, and
scampered off toward the kitchen.
 
My last try at kibble was the Dad's Low Magnesium Gourmet Blend Cat kibble.
This kibble was irregular and triangular in shape, but with the centers cut
out of the triangles.  The kibble supposedly contained many different
flavors, but I could not distinguish one from another in my sampling of it.
The pieces had a fairly good smell to them, but to my pallet they crunched
and tasted for all intents and purposes just like the Dad's Kitten Food
kibble I had tried just previously.
 
I was finishing off what was left of my entree when Squirt arrived with my
dessert and cleared away my entree dish.  The Ferretone covered the
cantaloupe in a gorgeous glaze, and the entire dessert was served in a
beautiful, low, glass bowl.  I tried some of the Ferretone first and found
it to be a very oily substance with a slight flavor reminiscent of several
cooking oils.  I did not find it an exceptionally inspiring taste, but when
combined with the cantaloupe it was surprisingly good.  Needless to say I
polished off my dessert heartily.
 
My table was then cleared and Squirt presented me with my check and a
complimentary dab of hairball remedy.  I tried out the hairball remedy while
looking over my bill and found the taste to be very similar to the
Ferretone, but with a pronounced malt flavoring.  And, it was rather gooey
and difficult to get off of my teeth.  I ended up working on it on my way
out to my car.
 
Overall, the Chez Furo presents a relaxing and comforting atmosphere.  The
food is very different from typical people food fare, but not bad for a once
in a while experience either.  I must admit that I am not afraid to try most
anything when it comes to food, so some others may be more taken aback by
the Chez Furo than myself, but I would recommend it as both a good
restaurant and experience.  Maybe if I go back for lunch sometime I'll try
the All-You-Can-Eat Soft Food Bar I keep hearing so much about!
[Posted in FML issue 1411]