>anybody know how long ferrets live?
 
About 8 years, sometimes as high as 11, assuming no major sickness.  The
biggest key is the food type; a few of the ferret-specialty feeds like 8n1
and Kaytee aren't all that good, and something like Purina Cat food will
slowly kill them.
 
A few of the top kitten-formula feeds like Iams Kitten (dry, purple bag) or
Eukanuba Chicken&Rice adult cat food or Science Diet dry kitten are quite
good; what makes a good fertfood is at least 33% protein from ANIMAL source,
around 20% or more fat content, with a rice base instead of corn and
chicken/animal type stuff listed as two out of the first three ingredients.
And ferts hate fish, remember that.  Those feeds above seem to be about as
good as the better grades of fertfood such as Marshall's diet or Mizouri,
but the general consensus is that the #1 top ferret food is unmatched:
Totally Ferret.
 
Totally Ferret is a bit hard to find in some places but can be had
mail-order.  Any of the feeds that your particular guys find yummy in the
second paragraph above will do just nicely unless they're sickly or very
old, in which case if it were me I'd try and score some Totally
Ferret...others on the list including some very respected folk say that TF
is so far and away an improvement it makes anything else look pathetic; if
your ferts aren't getting enough nutrition the first warning you'll have is
dry, horrible scratchy fur.  If you see that, ever, upgrade feeds ASAP; you
sometimes see a fert that's come to like the taste of "junk food" like Meow
Mix but you can slowly switch them to something better while using Ferretone
or other flavoring to help things along.
 
(BTW: if you also have cats, they can eat what you feed ferts (yes, adult
cats *can* eat kitten food) and if they're active enough, as in "constant
play with the weasels" mode, they will gain *enormous* amounts of muscle,
I'm talking Aahnald Shwartzencats here.  If they lay around, though, you'll
get the fattest blobs of feline you've ever heard of...I once had a cat and
two "free run in the house" ferts at the same time who all had constant
access to top-quality feeds and I swear to god, the *little* 9lbs cat turned
into something so strong you just plain couldn't hang onto him if he wanted
away from a nail clipping or whatever.  We took him in for his Neuter-job at
one year of age, he assaulted one vet-tech with malice and it took three
strong dudes and a blanket to hold him still enough to trank him.  They
absolutely could *not* believe this cat until we told them he'd been raised
by Ferrets and has spent his whole life playing with them...too funny!
Thank god him and the ferts were absolute best of buddies, slept together,
ate together, never hurt each other.  My brother has him now, I've got the
ferts...)
 
 ------------------
For a wild true story of crooked cops, stolen guns, perjury, fraud
and false criminal charges, see http://www.infinex.com/~jmarch
[Posted in FML issue 1972]