I think I survived the dreaded dissertation review from hell.  Mind you, I
said I think I survived.  I see Elizabeth has been busy again.  Ho ho ho.  I
will get even with her, just you wait.  Maybe I'll tell about last year when
she was running the mile in the state meet on a very hot day, and threw up.
While running.  Didn't even slow down.  She went on to qualify, and I got
the entire thing on tape.  So who will show what at the FML get-to-gether
next year, hum?  Elizabeth?
 
If you thought I was on the road a lot last summer, wait until you hear what
starts next month.  Grab yer pencils and papers boys and girls, 'cause I
will be coming through your state!
 
May:  Los Angeles (Natural History), Berkeley (UCB) (1.5 weeks)
 
June: Washington DC (Smithsonian) (2 weeks)
 
July: New York (American Museum) (2 weeks)
 
August: Pittsburg (Carnegie) or New Haven (Peabody) (7 days)
 
September: New Haven or Pittsburg (7 days)
 
January '98: Orlando (With Elizabeth)
 
April '98: Pullman, Seattle, Vancouver (3 weeks)
 
May '98: Bozeman, Montana; Denver, Colorado; Lawrence, Kansas (2 weeks)
 
June '98: Key West to Seattle (biking with Andrew; Graduation Present)
 
Of course I am blantantly soliciting cold hard floors to sleep on and the
occasional stale taco thrown my way.  Actually, and more to the point, I'm
soliciting ferret-time.  I'll be missing my own, so far from home, and will
need fuzzy hungs from time to time.  I might even have to adopt one.
(Hummm....maybe my new hobby will be adopting a ferret from every state.
Let's see...Oregon, California, Kansas, Missouri, and Illinois.  I'd better
get going; I've still got 45 to go!) Hosts of the Bob Show get to tell
humorous stories about my ferret-related activities, detailing my long, rich
and thick hair, the beauty of my multicolored shorts, and wonder at the
scope of my T-shirt collection.  They also get membership in the Offal Bob
Fan Club, which entitles the member to one free "Bob," a picture of one of
my ferrets, a certificate that states you have done your civic duty and
helped further science by offically assisting an American Graduate Student,
a poorly-photocopied picture of some drunk person's bum that if you turn it
just right and squint, you can see either Elvis or Dole, and a "Get Out of
Hell Free" card, which is presented when I leave.  As you can tell, the fan
club stinks.
 
Good luck all you folks in CaCa land!!  See you soon!
 
Bob C and 17 Members of the Offal Bob Fan Club.  (Litter boxes provided upon
request)
[Posted in FML issue 1904]