Well I spent most of my free time yesterday dividing my ferret mail into
direct answers and fml answers.  I have found some of the questions to be
quite humorous actually, and thought I would share them with the rest of the
FML.  If you recognize something you wrote to me, just remember this is all
in fun (even the wisecracks), and I've kept your name out of it, so no one
will know unless to say something.  For everyone else, these are serious
questions, so no outright guffaws; just mellow giggles.
 
"Dear Bob; Because of my religion, I don't believe in evolution...Can you
tell me how the ferret has changed over time?" (I really want to make a joke
about this....away from me, Satan!)
 
"Bob Dude!  If the Egyptians didn't domesticate the ferret, could the
Pharoahs have done it on their ships?" (There were non-Egyptian sea-going
Pharoahs?  Maybe King Tut's brother, King Tug.)
 
"If the ferret has a baculum, why doesn't it shoot out when they go potty?"
(They are afraid they would kill the cat and have nothing left to
terrorize.)
 
"I'm unsure of this ferret math stuff.  Can ferrets actually count?" (They
count at my house.)
 
"Do you really hate the California Fish and Game as much as you seem to?" (I
don't actually *hate* them, but I do believe when they die they will go to a
special hell where their neckid bodies will be slathered in ferretone, and
they will be dropped into a room of pissed-off rabid polecats, weasels, mink
and mongeese.  Why not ferrets?  Because all ferrets go to directly to
heaven; they've already been through hell on earth.)
 
"I saw you at a ferret show. How long have you been growing your hair?"
(Which one?)
 
"Every time my ferret plays, it goes into some sort of a spasm and flings
itself all over the room.  Do you think it might have an electrical
problem?" (Negative, they just get a charge out of it.  Ion positive.)
 
"Dear Mr. Bob.  I really think you are smart and I hope to some day know as
much about animals as you do, but I hate school.  Can you tell me everything
you know about ferrets so I don't have to read a book about them?" (Wouldn't
it be easier to wait for the movie?)
 
"Does Elizabeth date?"  (Yes, but only within her species.)
 
"Do you really have 20 ferrets? Don't they go to the bathroom a lot?"
(Such rumors are a load...)
 
Don't worry; I sent real replies and used a nice tone of voice. Honest.
 
Bob C and 20 MO Poopinators
[Posted in FML issue 2097]