Hi FML, it's me.  Elizabeth.  I'm Bob's daughter and wrote for him last year
when he was spaced out on drugs and couldn't read the monitor.  How many
time have I said, just say no?  And he has long hair too, the police in
Missouri always pull him over just to make sure he is not a criminal.  He
always says something they don't understand, and they get mad at him, and
dad just smiles.  He never learns.
 
The reason I am writing is because I'm bored, and dad's off helping someone
with a sick ferret.  I just saw the funniest thing with my dad and his
ferrets and wanted you all to know about it.  I'm at his house because I
just had my wrist operated on and he has this parental thing.  I think he
should have been a mommy the way he fusses over us and the ferrets.  So I am
spending way too many hours with him and his bad jokes.  But its ok because
I am strong.
 
Well dad has been really busy lately writing school stuff and sometimes
falls asleep at the computer.  Sometimes he only sleeps just a few hours.
He did it again last night and had his face on the keyboard when I went into
his dungeon.  He was drooling too.  The funny thing was the ferrets were
running all over the place and everytime Dad snored, which sounded like an
someone was clearing their sinuses, the ferrets would jump and dook.  Dad
would snore, the ferrets would jump.  If you have never seen dad's dungeon,
well I wouldn't.  Its dangerous, with lots of books and papers stacked up
everywhere.  The ferrets think the paper stacks are mountains and climb them
to get to the tops of the shelves and file cabinets.  They knock everything
over, but dad just grins and puts it back.  Once dad worked a year on a
whaling boat.  He even made working pullys by hand.  Tori pushed it off the
shelf and the gang yanked it all over the house.  Dad just picked it up,
grinned, and fixed it.  He would have killed me if I had done that!
 
So I touched dad on the back and he let out this really loud snort and the
ferrets attacked him.  Stella crawled in his shirt and Moose started tugging
at his sock.  Sam Luc jumped up and grabbed the end of dad's t-shirt and
hung on with his feet off the floor.  Chrys and Bear jumped up on his lap
and started licking his chin.  Apollo and Daye jumped of one of the paper
stacks onto dad's back.  Dad didn't know what to do, and seemed somewhat
confused.  When he sat up, his face looked like a waffle.  So he just rolled
on the floor and had about 10 ferrets jumping all over him.  That went on
for about a half hour before dad limped off to eat asprin.  He claimed no
one respected him, not even the rotten animals.  All the ferrets chased
after him when he walked way.  He was dragging Chrys, who was holding on to
his sock.
 
Dad really loves his ferrets and misses Gus alot.  Buddy is getting sick so
dad spends lots of time with him.  He says the body contact stimulates the
immune system and says he learned it from witch doctors.  I don't believe
him even tho a witch doctor once ate dinner with us.  He was really worried
about Crystal, but it seems she was not realy fixed.  It was really funny
seeing dad's face when Chrys kept trying to have sex with Crystal.  Even
funnier was went he found out about Crystal not being fixed.  He said his
tombstone would read Even the mightly have fallen.
 
Well I'd better go now before dad finds out I wrote this.  I might not get
to go out on another date after he reads it.
 
Elizabeth
 
[Moderator's note: This has to be one of the best posts of 1996.  Post
anytime ;-)  I guess Bob gets his sense of humor from his kids.  BIG]
[Posted in FML issue 1749]