Hi Everyone,
 
Well, some comments about the post on personal attacks from those on the
fml.  I have been thinking about posting on this since Hotdish was attacked
and because of circumstances around here, just hadn't worked myself up to
it.  But here it is.
 
>How would they feel about criticism, that, month after month, saps self
>confidence and self esteem?
 
I know how I felt.  I have been attacked via email and the phone for over
two years from some of the biggest names on the fml.  Why?  Because of a
failed personal relationship and someone's need to be right.
 
Folks have been told, and in turn that wrote me (still do) to diagnose my
mental stability, my violent nature, my moral character.  I have been told
to commit myself, to commit myself before I committed suicide, that I am
manic depressive, that I am delusional and that I can't tell that I am
thinking something happened when it didn't, I am violent and might
seriously harm someone.  I have received up to 30 threatening/harrassing
phone calls a day, to such an extent that I have in the past two years
changed my phone number 4 times and don't give it out to anyone anymore.
Not even the school has it.  Everyone of my friends were written to , if
they had an email address.  Friends that never corresponded with anyone
involved except me.  People were dragged into this that shouldn't have
been.
 
I have stayed off the fml, quite posting and turned away from all ferret
related activities to stop it.  You know what?  Didn't work.  I get mail
trying to draw me back into the ferret world (why they feel such a crazy
person is needed I will never understand).  when I filter the email
addresses, they send it to a good friend of mine on the list to forward to
me.  I have been added to icq lists, which I have now unregistered icq to
get away from it.  I have asked, yelled and tried to explain to these folks
what they have done to me.
 
What is that?  Well, I underwent treatment for post traumatic stress
disorder.  The very site of of one of their email addresses would cause
anxiety attacks in me.  I lost sleep, I questioned my own sanity from
having a core of individuals telling me constantly that I didn't know
reality.  Never mind all my pics, or what others had seen.  It has totally
destroyed my trust in anyone new in my life.  Totally.  It has made me feel
worthless and like I have nothing to contribute.
 
and yet I still get the fml.  And yes, even last night I got upset by it.
I am dealing with it simply because I, at one time, sincerely loved this
list and felt a great sense of community in it.  I keep hoping it will
start again and frankly, I think my honest opinions and ability to tell
folks what I think and why, is something needed right now.  I also was, in
the past, able to post some seriously funny stuff and although my laughter
has been harmed, I am working on getting it back.
 
My good friend's love of ferrets and of me have been a constant source of
strength and faith.  She feels I have a lot to offer the ferret world and
feels my life's work is in it.  She also constantly reminds me that these
same folks are "legends in their own minds." Also having a kind and
wonderful man such as Chris around.  He listens to me cry about it, he
tries to understand when he says something harmless and I react badly to it
out of being conditioned to.  He has an extreme amount of patience and
caring.  I have told him that he is the one wiping my memory of events and
helping me to work out the last of my feelings.
 
I hate to see anyone subjected to any of this, even if only once.  It is
just plain childish and sick.  I feel very sorry for those that have
treated me this way.  I don't understand why they feel it is necessary, but
I believe it is to make themselves feel more important and better.  And if
Eric and Mary are getting the same type of thing, then my heart absolutely
goes out to you.  It is very hard to have people not question your actions,
but question what type of person you are, especially when you know they
don't know you or have yet to meet you.
 
And I hate to see this type of attitude run off new folks from the fml, or
keep them from posting.  I don't think this will stop unfortunately,
because the folks that do this type of thing are too out of it to truly
understand what harm they do.  Or perhaps they just don't care.  But I
treat it as a test in life to get something good accomplished.  Nothing
good comes without some pain.  So I chose to think that the more important
it is, the more the negative forces are trying to stop you.  You have too
much to offer.  When it stops hurting or you can easily brush it aside,
maybe you don't have as much to say as you thought.
 
To anyone that has received flames, public or private, use your email
filters, skim some posts, screen calls.  If they keep harassing you, don't
make the mistake I have made by thinking you don't want to harm someone.
Report the behaviour and get it stopped.  Send in complaints to the
offending persons internet service provider.  Don't respond and try to
reason it out.  They don't want to.  If harassed at home, notify the
police.  If they were TRULY caring individuals, they wouldn't do it in
the first place.
 
Plus, try to word your own disagreements in a reasonable manner.  It is
easy to disagree with someone and state your own views without name calling
or personal attacks.  Ignore those that don't yet have the socialization
skills to do the same and don't allow them to draw you into their type of
fight.
 
And hang in there.  The FML is a truly unique and wonderful source for the
ferret world.  It has its own personality and to have such, BIG must allow
a huge margin for the personalities to show through.  And I know, from
personal experience, the the BIG guy is a wonderful, deeply caring man who
thinks the very best of all folks.  And this gets him into trouble
sometimes with some of the rest of us.  But don't blame him, blame the
posters.  Call them on their own behaviour.  And BIG, thanks so very much
for being who you are.  You have brought many a smile to my face and I am
truly thankful to know you.  Keep it up and stock up on beer.  You need it.
 
Maggie
[Posted in FML issue 2793]