Wunderschoen und ausgezeichnet !  Wonderful and excellent !  Ach Himmel ! i
vas zo gladt zu readt Herr Kirche's (Mr. Church's) discourse on ze Frettchen
Fressen. (Ferret eats).
 
Und (and) i shuldt like zu add ein par woerter (a few words) zuch as diess:
 
(But firstlich, i vill reqvest meine Englishe sprecher Kamerad zu vrite for
me, sinze he better talk than me.)
 
Hallo everbuddy; I will be happy to say talk for my gut friend, Mr. Eselloch
Beobachter, a retired proctologisht.  Mr. Eselloch Beobachter would like Mr.
Kirche & everbuddy else out there to know 3 things more about what he say.
 
1) This is secret and nobody know: Lady nutritionist from Communist
University of Washington (Ja, dey got place called "Red Square" but no
"Unter den Linden") say to help get ferrets to eat their Esellochs-cleaning
fiber mixed with their band-saw meats and other stuff in recipe LUMPS is to
add cooked oatmeal or cooked barley to the porridge.  Ferrets have great
love for sticky, slimey, shimmering cooked oatmeal.  After put into porridge
& pulverized to molecule-size (?) ferrets lick 6-oz can clean as arabic
bidet.  Before add cooked oatmeal (also 6 cooked eggs), ferret would leave
all fiber veggies in bottom of can and lick up only porridge fluid.  Not so
good.
 
Now that Ferrets NorthWest ferrets eat LUMPS (mit fibre) they give brown
cigars to make Fidel Castro envious.  Such big, beautiful pooper sausages,
and they glisten in sun like covered with Saran wrap and have no stink for
one week.
 
2) Milk is no problem in soup.  Sometime add skim (non-fat) milk to cooking
oatmeal/eggs mix to thin out mixture, so does not "set" like concrete before
adding to hi-speed blender.  Also add from time to time cottage cheese, and
the best of all Kielbasie-flavored yoghurt.  Kielbasie juice drip into
yoghurt when I bite into Polish sausage while blender mixing LUMPS.
 
3) Mein Frau is work in garden too much and unhappy when outside digger
ferret get into her Swedish doughnut beds (She plant Cheerios), but worst is
when squirrels dig up her seeds.  She make awful Swedish sounds then .  .  .
something about Norwegians (?) So I trap Norwegian squirrels in live animal
trap, give them 0.177-inch Pb pill at 350 ft/sec, and give whole squirrel to
Mizzminke, our lithe fur-farm little lady mink.  Two, three days, have
nothing left but squirrel skin, maxillary jaw and incisors and content
Mizzminke.
 
Jawhol (yes indeed) Mr. Eselloch Beobachter he say "you welcome, sure, und
schlaffen Sie wohl !  (Sleep well).
 
        Edward Frettchenvergnuegen (Remember Fahrvergnuegen?) Lipinski
[Posted in FML issue 2128]