My fav piece of work. lol....
 
HOW TO BRING YOUR MALE INTO A RAGING RUT:
 
- Walk in front of male as much as possible.
 
- Try to show as much of your backside and tail as frequently as
possible.  Tail swishing is especially effective.
 
The male will begin to look your way at this point, it may take five
minutes or it may take five days ... depending on the male.
 
- Expose oneself in front of male at every opportunity.  You may find
said male beginning to follow you more, he may be at your heels like
your shadow and/or he may just be unusually communicative and vocal.
Vocalizations may vary from understandable language to nonsensical
chatter and noises.  If he demonstrates any of this behavior, act
coyly.  Later, you may respond with smiles and with more of the previous
mentioned tactics.
 
- Brush up, touch, paw at, push, hug, and tackle male often.  You may
at this point in time notice your mates grooming behaviors have varied.
His hair may take on an oily or greasy appearance so as to look all
"slickered up" and handsome for you.  He thinks his hair is softer and
more attractive this way also.  You may notice him beginning to smell
a bit differently.
 
He is doing this for you also.  Just remember, it is all for you in his
eyes.
 
- Kiss and lick male here and there in very brief intervals, but
frequently.
 
Said male will begin to act impulsively.  He may do something aggressive
and abrupt such as grabbing onto your tail, or clinging on to you.
 
- Just act is if he is not there when he tries to do such things and
wiggle out of his grasp.
 
The male may begin regularly marking his territory (your home).  Ignore
him.
 
- At this time, it's fun to give male false hopes, but saying "maybe" .
By this point in time his eyes may have an appearance of rings around
them from lack of sleep as he can only think of one thing now....you.  He
will be acting all full of himself at this point.  Parading around and
such.  Demonstrating his abilities to get your attentions.  He may show
you previews of what is to come on that special night by acting "it" out
on everything nearest to him.  This is to impress you.  You will not be
impressed.
 
- Nay, do not be impressed!  Tell him... "you are not impressed yet".
 
He will grease his hair and spruce up more and more.  He will make
himself smell prettier and prettier by putting on musky "cologne".  And
he will proceed to grab you more and more as you walk by, and even at
times aggressively kiss your neck.
 
- Do not be impressed.  Tell him, over and over, no... you are not ready
yet.  Look at this specimen before you, size him up, and the just say
coyly, "no.."
 
The male may then be close to being ready.  He will demonstrate this by
war dancing all about for you in very impressive ways.  But do not be
impressed.  He is still not ready.  Said male will vocalize to you in
such a way to tell you he is past ready, and that he may die if you are
not impressed yet.  But I repeat, do not be impressed.
 
- At this point, you may want to vocalize back to the male.  Parade about
for him showing your pretty self and body.  Do so often.  But when he
makes his advances, stop.
 
Said male will, at this point in time, begin to act very macho.  He may
assert himself by marking anything and every thing as HIS territory.  He
wants so very much to impress you.  Lifting his tail and poofing around
the home will be a regular thing.  He may in desperation, poof everywhere
he goes with you.  If you are really lucky, you may witness a sliming!
 
- By this time I would give him some "encouragement"  Be very creative.
We don't want him to get discouraged or quit, do we?  No, we want him to
be the most he can be, and it takes much to impress a female.  He will
react to this "encouragement" with very aggressive overtures... first by
mightily dancing about, and vocalizing very, very loudly and assertively,
then by even grabbing and clinging onto you.  If you are lucky... you may
be scruffed.  When he gets this physical, take note of his testicles, if
they aren't three times as large as their normal size... he must wait
longer, as you will not be impressed.
 
- Now comes the test, ask the male for everything in the world.  You will
get one of two things.  You will either get "everything in the world", or
you be the most impressed female on the block!  Either way you will be
very happy with the results, I promise you.
 
Wolfy
http://wolfysluv.jacksnet.com
[Posted in FML issue 4466]