Coming soon to a sleaze-ball stadium near you:
        The Loving Handfull
        with such mega hits as:
        1.  What a Day for a Nap Time
        with such memorable lines as:
'and burrow my nose in somebody's new mown lawn'
        2.  Nashville Brats
'well, there are several million ferrets in the
        U.S. of A
and we'll get 'em all legal on one of these days'
                        and
'Bug the cats; dunk heads into their water
Bug the dogs; devour all their stew
Bug two-legs; stash shoes like they were babies
Bug them all; just play till you are through'
                        and
'Hide her bag; she won't know where her note
        are
Hide his keys; he can not start the car
Laugh in your paws so they won't guess who did it
Hide yourself; it looks as though they do'
        3.  You Didn't Have to Be So Nice
'If you had kissed me once or twice you could
        have put the treats away'
        4.  that classic of catnip mousie selection:
        Did You Ever Have to Make up Your Mind
(and pick up just one and leave the other behind)
        5.  She's Just a Mustelid to Me
'But the more she steals, the more she knows there
        is to steal
(Let laughter peal)'
                         and
        6.  Darling Hug Me Soon
'For the great relief of having your cage to hold you'
                        plus
        the greatest of their songs:
        7.  Do You Believe in Ferrets
'Do you believe in ferrets; they won't break your heart
But give them full freedom - room's torn all apart
And it's weasels; if the back-drag is groovy
It makes you feel happy - like a Beast Master movie
I'd tell you 'bout the ferrets who can free your soul
But it's like trying to teach a badger to dance rock and roll
If you believe in ferrets; don't bother to stop 'em
It's give me raisins or I'll get the blues
Just go and watch 'em; little guys give a smile
They'll kiss up your face if you give 'em a trial
Their claws are tapping; and you can't seem to find
How socks got there ...
They'll just blow your mind
        (riff)
If you believe in ferrets; come along and see
They'll cuddle till morning then dance until 3
And doubter; if the music is right
They'll kiss you tomorrow; sort their treats at night
And they'll go dancing, Two-Legs, then you'll see
That the magic's in ferrets and they share it with me
Yeah ...
Do you believe in ferrets?  Yeah!
Believe in the ferrets of the carpet hole?
Believe in the ferrets of the blanket mole?
Believe in the ferrets who will set you free?
Ahhhh ... talking 'bout ferrets ... Do you believe ...
 
        and for those who buy matinee tickets
                show tunes!
                such as
        Anything You Can Hide I Can Hide Better
                        and
        You Are Witty
'You are witty; oh, so witty
whether gritty, or flitty, or sly
You are witty
You're a most extraordinary guy
You are cunning; oh, so stunning
whether funning, or running, or fey
You're so cunning
That you puzzle me each loving day
See the little ferret who laughs a lot
heh, heh, heh, heh
See him laughing so much at me
(He's what?  Where?  Oh!)
Such a pretty boy; such a silly boy;
Oh, he makes me smile; such a foolish me!
I feel lucky; I feel foolish;
I feel confused and complete with joy
For I'm loved by a really wonderful boy!
 
        Agile ferrets dance,
        form for joy, laughter rampant
        Soon to sleep away
 
                Sukie
[Posted in FML issue 1287]