Hi everyone. I am back again. I hope that's OK. Just wanted to say that
I know this will touch a nerve with some people, but I hope you will
read the whole note and think about it before responding.

Let's begin at the beginning. I mean the very beginning.

I was born with Asperger's Syndrome (http://www.blip.tv/file/2792847),
a pervasive developmental disorder with some similarities to autism.
This disorder—some people prefer to say "difference," because there
is nothing wrong with having Asperger's—affects my life in many ways.
Most people with Asperger's are blessed with honesty, logic, humor
and innocence. Some, like me, also have special abilities and high
IQ scores. In fact, because I am so able with language and
problem-solving, I was lucky enough to be put in gifted programs in
elementary school. Today, at 24, I am a Fulbright scholar, a graduate
student, a librarian and a music teacher.

My gifts also mask my challenges, which are serious if not disabling.
They include problems with physical coordination, sensory integration
and memory. Narrow, obsessive interests and routines are also
characteristic. But perhaps the saddest and most challenging aspect of
AS is severe social difficulty. I have trouble understanding nonverbal
communication, forming and maintaining relationships, and feeling and
expressing empathy. I also struggle with anxiety and confusion. This
leaves me with few tools for coping with stress and change. I need
peace, independence and a lot of solitude.

A few days ago I brought a little ferret into my home. Since childhood,
I've had an interest in ferrets. I've always a very close kinship with
animals. I was thrilled when I finally gained the financial resources
and time for my own pet. Petunia is surely as sweet, gentle and
innocent a little soul as one could ask for, and overall I am glad to
have her.

That said, I have been struggling with sadness and anxiety since I
adopted her. It seems like there are so many things to worry about and
so much conflicting information. I have trouble with focus and it is
challenging for me to try and meet her needs every day. I am accustomed
to a great deal of personal freedom and she (sometimes) makes me feel
trapped. The commitment seems so big and so long. I have been crying
uncontrollably every night and I'm crying as I write this.

I am NOT saying I regret adopting Patty. On the contrary. She is a
great little ferret. It would be difficult to find someone more
prepared to adopt her than I was, and it would be hard to find someone
with the time and energy I have to devote to her. I also think she will
be a blessing and a friend to me. I have already written about some
of the fun and funny things she does I think I am doing all the right
things to care for her. But I am struggling all the time. Since I have
so few human friends, I have no one to share the responsibility or even
give me some advice.

I don't know why I feel this way. My family has always kept animals
and I have always been a primary caregiver. When I was a little girl I
wanted to be a veterinarian. I adore ferrets. I thought I had a good
idea of the commitment involved, but I guess I didn't really get it
until it was real. I did not realize that having my own pet would
affect me this much or this way.

I am not sure what I am asking for—Petunia is happy & healthy and seems
to be flourishing in my home. We are becoming friends. I probably just
need time to adjust and get on a schedule. But I wish I didn't feel so
overwhelmed and alone.

I guess if any of you have experience with Asperger's or autism and
ferrets, it would be nice to hear about it. If you have stories about
traveling ferrets or adventurous ferrets, I think that would be
reassuring, since I love to travel to interesting places. If what I am
going through is common for new ferret owners, it would be comforting
to know that too. Thank you very much for all the advice you have
already given me. Happy ferreting.

-Natalie

[Posted in FML 6585]