** OFFICIAL F.L.O. TRANSCRIPT -- F.L.O. SECRET DOUBLE DOOKER MISSION **
** PARTICIPATING OPERATIVES -- CAPTAIN CASEY, STUNT COORDINATOR
                            -- SARGEANT SARGE, MOONING SPECIALIST
** INTENDED TARGET          -- MORONIC DOOFUS DOGS NEXT DOOR
 
--- BEGIN TRANSCRIPT ---
 
CASEY:  Sarge, Come in Sarge!  Is your Super Secret Stuff Headset
        functioning properly?  Come in Sarge.  Report Please.
SARGE:  WWWWWWWREEEEEEEEeeeeeeeeeeeeeEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEe
        EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEeee YEAH BOY!
CASEY:  AAAAAAAAUUGGH!!!  FEEDBACK!  Turn down the super secret stuff
        gain knob on your S.S.S.H. unit Sarge!
SARGE:  Roger Wilco!  A-OK Little Buddy!  Consider it done!  Ten Four!
        Order Acknowledged Sir!  Your will is my command!  Affirmative!
        You say "jump", I say, "How high?"! You say "Tomato", I say ....
CASEY:  SAAAAAAAARRGGE!!  Just do it!
SARGE:  Okeydoke! .... WWWWWRRRRRREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEERREEEERRRE!!.....
        Oops, sorry 'bout that!  hee hee hee dook.
CASEY:  *sigh*  Okay.  Sarge ..... you remember the mission?
SARGE:  Yep!  Making my way to back porch sliding glass force field now.
CASEY:  Sarge, report your status.
SARGE:  I've made it to the force field.  Conducting recon survey of
        surronding outer space.
CASEY:  Are those mangy flea hotels .... I mean the TARGETS in sight?
SARGE:  Yes sir!  One is peeing on a tree and the other has his Anti
        Doofus Dog Exploratory restraint all tangled in the porch
        furniture.
CASEY:  Perfect.  I'm in the Subterranean Under the Dresser Stronghold!
        I'll be right there!!  *scamper scamper scamper*
SARGE:  Oh boy!  This is gonna be GREAT!  hee hee hee dook .. hiccup!
CASEY:  (reaching the force field) Terrific, come in Sarge!  I've reached
        the force field.
SARGE:  I know, I'm standing right next to you.
CASEY:  OH!  Yes!  Well I knew that!  I guess we won't be needing our
        S.S.S.H's any more!  (SSSH UNITS SHUT DOWN)  Switching to
        Auxiliary Super Secret FLO Mission Recorder now.
SARGE:  Ready?
CASEY:  READY! ........... GO!
 
(Both hop out into plain view of the doofus dogs.  Casey and Sarge dance
and hop up and down.
 
CASEY AND SARGE: DOOK!  DOOK!  DOOK!  HRREEEESSSSSSSSS!!  DOOK!
                 HEE HEE HEE DOOK!  HEY!  WE'RE GONNA GO TO ....
                 FUNKY TOOOOOOOOOWWWNNN!! HIP HOP!  DOOK!  HEE HEE!
DOOFUS DOG 1:    WOOF!  WOOF!  WOOF!  ...... YIPE! *thud*
CASEY:  Stupid mutt.  How easy they forget about their restraining device.
SARGE:  HEY STINKY!  YOU'RE SO UGLY, YOUR SILLY HUMAN HAS TO TIE A
        VIDEO GAME AROUND YOUR NECK JUST TO GET THE KIDS TO PLAY WITH
        YOU!
DOOFUS DOG 2:   BARK! BARK! BARK! *CRASH THUD BOOM CRASH!* YIP! YIP! YIP!
CASEY:  OOOOOHHH!  Restraining devices and lawn furniture just DON'T MIX
        buddy.  That had to hurt.
SARGE:  Let's moon them!!
CASEY:  On three.  One ..... Two ..... HEY GUYS!  LASSIE'S A LOSER!
        HEE HEE HEE!
(Chaotic and pathetic sounds of barking, snarling and crashing and
 yiping in the background!)
SARGE:  Dogs are silly.  Heh heh dook.
CASEY:  Yeah, but without them, who else besides Daddy would we torment?
SARGE:  You know it .... Hey!  Race you to the toilet paper stash!
CASEY:  The F.L.O. is freaky cool.  *scamper scamper scamper*
 
-- END MISSION TRANSCRIPT
-- MISSION TIME:        00:10:33
-- MISSION RESULT:      PROVEN FERRET MENTAL CAPACITY FAR SUPERIOR TO THAT
                        OF DOOFUS DOG.
 
=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-==-=
=-   \_/----    Matt Romoser (aka "Romo")                           -=
-=   |    * |   [log in to unmask] ; http://www.cris.com/~Romoser     =-
=-   |      |   Ft. Wayne, Indiana                                  -=
-=   |      |                                                       =-
=-   /     /    "The most important thing in acting is honesty.     -=
-=  /__--/       Once you've learned to fake that, you're in."      =-
-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=SAMUEL GOLDWYN=-=-=-
[Posted in FML issue 1910]