Dear Lisa-
 
Your question isn't stupid.  "Alexandra, will you give me some money?"
THAT is a stupid question, but yours isn't.
 
I don't happen to have a taxonomic chart handy in my head, that might
give me some idea of how "far" apart felines (cats) and canines (dogs)
are from mustelids (ferrets and the weasel family).  My guess is that
ferrets are a bit more closely "related" to cats than to dogs.  The tree
of life can be pretty confusing, but "morphology", basically the study
of differences and similarities between animal structures can tell you a
lot.  Here is my thinking:
 
Cat and ferret teeth are beautifully designed to shear meat.  They have
tiny little incisors in the front for clipping, they have huge pointy
canines for spearing, and sharp molars, that come together like the
blades of scissors when they bite down.
 
I can tell you that cats and ferrets are alike in that they are "obligate
carnivores", which means that they MUST eat meat, or meat-based kibble
mixed with some of the amino acids (the building blocks of proteins) that
are found soley in meat to survive.  (Don't misunderstand, vegetables and
fruit have essential amino acids, too, but not the same ones that are
found in meat.) Their digestive systems demand meat.
 
I read about a lady in California who wanted her indoor-only cat to be
a vegetarian.  The cat didn't get enough of something called "taurine"
(like taurus, suggesting the bull, beef) that is only present in meat.
I'm pretty sure that taurine is one of those amino acids I mentioned, but
it's been a looong time since I sat down and thought about this!  The cat
went blind, among other bad things.  All cats go blind without taurine in
their diets.  Blindness obviously cuts way back on your survivability in
the wild.  Her vet educated her after the fact, but the cat was pretty
much crottled by the time she brought it in to him.
 
Dogs are not obligate carnivores.  They have a carnivore's teeth.  They
love meat, they have teeth and jaws designed to shear meat and crunch
bones, but they *can* eat other stuff and survive, they have a digestive
system that would let them live.  They should have meat in their diet to
be truly healthy, though.  Please don't read this and try to make your
dog be vegetarian!  Their teeth tell the story.  Those are meat-eating
teeth!  A vegetarian diet is a worst-case scenario for a dog.
*Survivable*, but not a good idea.
 
Our teeth tell a story, too.  We are not obligate carnivores, either.
We've got lots of flat molars, something that you won't find in a dog
or a cat or a ferret's mouth.  They are there to crunch vegetables and
fruit.  We've got four little pointy canine teeth to help us with meat,
but those flat molars speak volumes.  A vegetarian diet doesn't hurt us
a bit, as long as we make sure that there is plenty of protein in it.
Some of our primate cousins (monkeys and apes) are basically vegetarians,
(if you don't count the occasional crunchy bug), but some really enjoy
meat, and eat it whenever they can.  Some of the PETA hardliners will
tell you that humans should be strict vegetarians because of our nice,
flat molars, but that ignores our pointy little canines, and shearing
premolars.
 
Something like an elephant or a cow, though, have nothing but incisors
(the front teeth) for clipping, and flat molars all the way back.  Not
even a few token pointy little canines.  They are strict vegetarians.
They couldn't survive an all-meat diet, their digestive systems aren't
designed that way.
 
Here's the thing.  We have a guy on this list named Bob Church who could
probably give you a beautiful answer, but he is in Europe now, mooching
food and beer from the locals.  Bob, somewhat like a dog, but very much
like many apes and monkeys, is an "omnivore", which means he can eat
everything and thrive.
 
I don't know how he feels about bugs.
 
He might well tell you that my morphological analysis doesn't hold up to
DNA analysis.  Most of our understanding of the relationships between
animals was purely morphological until pretty recently, when DNA
technology became available to us.  We got a few surprises when we
started DNA comparisons!
 
Don't hesitate to ask this question again when he comes back.  It's
interesting.
 
Alexandra in MA
[Posted in FML issue 4707]